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Because the money seems to appear out of "no-where" to my wife, she doesn't seem to have the same sort of reality check that most people would when there is an actual store, stock, staff etc. She sees a few hundred grand sitting in the account and thinks "hey, we're rich! I'm going to spend!". Of course, I can't make money if I've got an angry wife screaming and crying so I generally give in on every single occasion. My thinking being that I can make more money if she's spending but happy than not spending and making me miserable. Does that make sense?
As far as she's concerned, the amount of money I'm earning each month will be constant and carry on till I'm sixty. No matter how much I plead with her that the Internet is fickle and that the cash flow could drop to a tenth tommorrow she doesn't seem to be getting it. I'd imagine that its the "footballers wife" syndrome i.e. dirt poor then suddenly tons of cash coming in and even though the footballer knows that he's out the second he gets a bad injury or turns 35 the wife seems to spend as though the funds are limitless. So many footballers back to being poor again once their out of the game, I don't want that to be me. Anyone else have/having this problem?
Involve her in your business, if you need to work for something, it holds more value. Perhaps this way your partner will realise just how hard to actually work for this money.
It may just be enough to make her realise how much hard work and effort is really involved to feed her spending habit.
Mack.
Who knows?
What does it matter?
You're avoiding the issue.
If for example you were the head of a nonprofit, and all if your income was based on donations and earmarked for the feeding of widows and orphans. In that case, I could see your wife changing her spending habits.
I think the root of the issue has been correctly identified-and it's not your occupation.
Involve her in your business, if you need to work for something, it holds more value. Perhaps this way your partner will realise just how hard to actually work for this money.
I thought I mentioned that she got fired from two jobs before being married and one more once we were married? After that she has never looked for a job again. When things are tight she goes on about how I need to get a second job to cover it ... yes, yes, I've told her that she should get a job but that's a whole different story and a whole bunch more whinging ...
If for example you were the head of a nonprofit, and all if your income was based on donations and earmarked for the feeding of widows and orphans. In that case, I could see your wife changing her spending habits.
I think that's the worst part of it. She actually thinks that she is generous, caring and loving. She bought her mother a car (which is worth more than mine) and gives all the stuff she buys but doesn't use to local charity shops - apparently that makes her a really good person ...
I thought I mentioned that she got fired from two jobs before being married and one more once we were married? After that she has never looked for a job again. When things are tight she goes on about how I need to get a second job to cover it ...
Apparently this is a much deeper problem than simply being a reckless spender. The repeated "firings" should have been a tip-off before you married her. Oh well...
I doubt that anyone on the forum shall be able to provide you with a quick and simple answer. Sorry, but I fear you have a dreadful life ahead of you...
I found out when the solicitor phoned me to discuss the recent "loss" to which I replied "what house?" We argued for about a week almost constantly and now she has finally left to go and live with her mother. The really horrible thing is that I believe that I should feel bad in some way, but I just don't. Even though she's gone 400 miles away with my baby daughter I just don't feel sad. It's quite disturbing. Maybe it'll kick in tommorrow?
As hard as it will be to have your daughter far away, this is likely the best possible thing that could have happened for you (and in the long run, your daughter as well).
I wish you the best.
Update: (for anyone who's interested)
I do believe everyone is interested! :)
Sounds like things are happening. Stick to your guns, don't hesitate to reach out for moral support from friends/family, and best wishes on the last leg of this roller coaster ride.
I had a psycho girlfriend once- not even wife- but it was a year of hell complete with faked pregnancy, police called many times etc. She tried to goad me into hitting her, a trick that I later discovered two ex's of hers fell for and went to jail. Finally filed a restraining order, and when she arrived to contest it the judge had her arrested and led from the courtroom in handcuffs, and summarily granted the restraining order for the maximum three years. Why am I telling you this? Because even after all that, it was months before my head was on straight, and months again before I fully understood how messed up that situation was! After those months, and only after, could I ask myself the question I had grown weary of others asking: Why didn't I just leave?
Again, best wishes, and even more: thank you for sharing your difficult experience with us.
Cheers,
-Automan
I would say my exprience wasn't exactely the same as yours.
but there are so much similarities!
IMHO.
I recalled a word and a question from my mouth when it happended to me.
Word: "Selfish"
Question: "What is love? Does she love me or love a cash tree?"
For the question:
I answer to myself as:
"Love, at least we ought to have a future plan for our whole life,
unless you do not want to spend the rest of our life together!
Since you love me, and I know I love you, so I know I can get happiness from you no matter what you wear and what you drive.
If you love me as well as I love you. why do you need to spend
so much to make yourself flamboyant and get the happiness.
Because in my eyes, you are the most attractive with 'nothing'
"
.......
5 years later, I proved I've made a good choice.
As she's the one who left, I would try and contact your solicitor again to ask him if this can have any impact on your legal actions (divorce, becoming the legal gardian, alimony etc...)
Also I would prepare for the legal 'battle' that is ahead of you - if you want to fight it.
I would gather all the 'evidence' possible to build a case against her. I am not up to scratch with legal issue, and don't know if this is feasible, but I would ask for a psychologue to 'examine' her and declare her to be unfit to be a mother or at least to have her checked by social services on a regular basis to make sure that she deosn't 'destroy' your unspoiled daughter.
You seem to be able to cope with the situation and the next step is to make sure that your baby is OK as well - if that's what you wish (and you seem to be the kind of guy who does)
Our electronic thoughts are with you!
Yes, I know, you have your daughter to think about - do you really think you are going to be allowed to have any influence on her? :(
That was the one of the biggest things I was able to admit to myself. I will probably be in a better position to provide (both financially and emotionally) for my daughter if I'm NOT with my wife ... well, ex-wife ... wow, that really, really felt strange and is the first time I've said it ...
Update: (for anyone who's interested)I do believe everyone is interested! :)
Guess the stories on Coronation Street and Eastenders must be really boring right now!
but I would ask for a psychologue to 'examine' her and declare her to be unfit to be a mother
Like I said in a previous message, unfortunately in the UK she could be a heroine addicted layabout and they will still leave the child with the mother when it is a baby. If she was 5 years old or more then there is some actual consideration given.
the next step is to make sure that your baby is OK as well
Obviously I haven't changed in the slightest, the difference is only that she is no longer here. I accept that I will be paying for my daughter's (and by default my wife's) life for the next 18 years at least and she knows that I'm the type of guy that will take care of things. Only difference now is the exploitation (I doubt she will stop now!) will be minimal as things can be viewed from a distance.
Thanks everyone for you input, seems kinda weird that having never spoken to anyone about this for five years+ that not long into the thread this happens!
Ive a case at the moment like this - social services wont take the kids into care as 'it will cause more harm' - Dont think so.
she's gone 400 miles away
WOOOO Freakin HOOOOOO!
This is the beginning of a shiny brand new chapter for you!
Congratulations! Let's all have a cold one and celebrate!
Right now you probably aren't thinking about the next relationship, but it is going to be great when you realize that you're with a woman who wants to spend time with you and loves to see that you're happy! That's just around the corner now!
Right now you probably aren't thinking about the next relationship, but it is going to be great when you realize that you're with a woman who wants to spend time with you and loves to see that you're happy! That's just around the corner now!
Is that an offer? ;)
You're right, it's not on my mind - it's my first marriage and it's really put me off. She was wonderful the whole year we were "dating", it really was from the second she got the ring on her finger that things changed. Doesn't really give you much reason to ever trust a woman again does it! By my reckoning it's going to take me 2-3 years just to get my business back on track, let alone my life, so I'd imagine this thread will have been archived long before I move on ... Google will probably still have a cache of it though ... or Yahooglewalmart as it will be known by then ...
[edited by: Jane_Doe at 9:07 am (utc) on July 27, 2006]
wait for while--till you make some of the money back at least. The new wife will want her share too :)
Two words: Cayman Islands
Two words: Cayman Islands
That's been on my mind alot lately anyway as nearly every party in the UK now wants to raise the tax to 50%-60%. Don't they realise that that will just hurt the honest businessmen? The dodgy ones will just keep finding the dodgy ways around ...
Well, currently things are going well, she hasn't flown off the handle and said "You'll never see your kid!" - she actually seems to be showing some remorse but whether it's real or not remains to be seen.
Thanks again everyone for letting me air this one out. Seems to have helped.
DO NOT fall for it. She will have remorse as the money will not be there to support her crazy lifestyle. That's her only regret...and given another chance she will do it again and again.
