Its Friday: Your Favorite One Liner

[caine]

'I am going to go and Lark with Intent'

heard it for the first time today - excellant - says so much.

[glengara]

"One more drink and I'll be under the host"

Ms.Parker again

[curlykarl]

"You can't educate Pork"

My boss :)

[Ivana]

Do not underestimate the healing powers of lager

- said by a pub manager as he used a beer soaked cloth to get a stain off the skirt on a very pretty girl

[dragonlady7]

"I left my preferred method of payment in my other pants."

A college buddy, at the school cafeteria. Though, it's funnier if you don't have any idea what it's about.

[atadams]

She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

- Groucho Marx

[atadams]

Gandhi on what he thought of Western Civilization:

"It would be a good idea."

[roscoepico]

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"

or this variation.

Two cannibals eating a man, one starts at the head, the other at the feet. The one starting @ the head looks down at the guy who started at the feet and asks, "how's it going". The one who started @ the feet says, "I'm having a ball"

[ukgimp]

100% of FA is FA

me

[limbo]

90% of statistics are fabricated!

~ Vic Reeves

[paigehooha]

The phrase - - - LOW-HANGING FRUIT

It's really more of a "business buzzword" - but every time I hear it, it makes me giggle :o)

A true one-liner -

Honey don't stop trying and you'll get what you deserve.

Axl Rose

[oilman]

I don't have a drinking problem - I only drink when I'm alone or with someone.

[digitalghost]

"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house".

Lewis Grizzard

My personal favorite of late,

"If you stand in a pile of manure long enough, you won't notice the smell".

D. B. Said to those that complain about making changes.

[pageoneresults]

Something I've heard more than once over the past few months...

"I didn't know that was spam!"

[Goober]

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Goober

[hooloovoo22]

Build a man a fire and he's warm for a day.
Set a man on fire and he's warm for the rest of his life.

[lawman]

The voters have spoken - the bastards!

Morris Udall, after losing in the US presidential primaries in 1976.

[Nick_W]

Choose to build, rather than destroy.

A WebmasterWorld member on spam reporting a little while ago...

Nick

[GaryK]

I learn far more from my failures than from my successes.

[glengara]

From a member here - "Teach a man to fish......... and you'll be selling him fishing equipment forever"

[bakedjake]

You've got to be smarter than what you're workin' with.

-- A friend's neighbor when I was younger.

[Fiver]

but on the other hand, you've got different fingers.

[Watcher of the Skies]

"If you don't like rutabegas, don't plant them in your garden."

[Nick_W]

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

-- Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

Nick

[Lilliabeth]

Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an ****.

-I saw it on a bumper sticker

[edited by: lawman at 10:04 pm (utc) on Oct. 10, 2003]
[edit reason] the lawman expletive camo filter [/edit]

[atadams]

God must hate common people, because he made them so common.

- Philip Wylie

[pleeker]

"The customer is always right. And they must be punished for their arrogance."

-- Dilbert

[claus]

Ah.. oneliners.. this is a favorite of mine, although it's a bit harder to pronounce than others posted here:

$_='while(read+STDIN,$_,2048){$a=29;$b=73;$c=142;$t=255;@t=map{$_%16or$t^=$c^=($m=(11,10,116,100,11,122,20,
100)[$_/16%8])&110;$t^=(72,@z=(64,72,$a^=12*($_%16-2?0:$m&17)),$b^=$_%64?12:0,@z)[$_%8]}(16..271);if((@a=unx"C*",$_)[20]&48){$h=5;$_=unxb24,join"",@b=map{xB8,unxb8,chr($_^$a[--$h+84])}@ARGV;s/...$/1$&/;$d=unxV
,xb25,$_;$e=256¦(ord$b[4])<<9¦ord$b[3];$d=$d>>8^($f=$t&($d>>12^$d>>4^$d^$d/8))<<17,$e=$e>>8^($t&($g=($q=$e
>>14&7^$e)^$q*8^$q<<6))<<9,$_=$t[$_]^(($h>>=8)+=$f+(~$g&$t))for@a[128..$#a]}print+x"C*",@a}';s/x/pack+/g;eval

This quote always reminds me just how little i know, although i seem to be able to understand just a little bit more each time i see it.

/claus

[Fiver]

"the prism of ethnocentricity shall blind all whos vision passes through it, except the Irish"

[claus]

Here's another; perhaps less complicated, but definitely easier to pronounce:

"Remember that you are unique, just like everyone else"

/claus

[cfx211]

Its a real game of knucklehead chess.