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I had a voicemail on Friday:
"Hi, this is Mr. So-and-so. You guys don't give a rat's a** about your customers. I ordered something Next-Day-Air
remember, Thursday was T-givingand it's not here yet! What is your major malfunction?! I'm going to open up a shop and put all of you out of business. And I'm going to keep calling back until I get someone who cares!"
He left the same message on ten vm's in the office. And I assume he had a bit too much to drink with his turkey.
The best part is, "Brown" ended up losing his package TWICE! He-he-he-he, so he still doesn't have his order.
I asked her for her order number to look at her order and the number she gave me was all wrong. I double checked it with her and told her that wasn't one of our order numbers. She looked at her paperwork and realized she called the wrong number. WE were the place she ordered from 3 days ago! I never heard anyone so embarrassed and apologetic. I told her it was fine with me, and that she certainly should call our competiter and tell them off! ;^)
A customer sent 12 carnations to his grand ma's 80th birthday. We delivered 12 red roses instead of carnations by mistake. (Red roses 2x expensive than carnations)
Few days later we get an e-mail from the customer pissed off at us for sending the wrong flowers.
The e-mail had an attachment of digital picture of his Grand ma holding the 12 red roses with a big smile.
We did a full refund, but had a big laugh out of it.
I told her our options for international orders are prepaid by check or by credit card (a couple times).
She said ok to credit card then asked again about payment days. Sounded like she wanted to place the order now and then provide a credit card in 30, 60 or 90 days.
finally refered her to email address to continue conversation. Sometimes people have to hear and read to understand.
The thing is, not only do I have no connection whatsoever to this fitness instructor, my site has nothing to do with fitness. It's an online dictionary.
His initial response was "I'm a general in the Army and am always right" and "I am going to put up a website and tell the world of your crappy business".
I then asked a series of questions:
"Do you know what SEO stands for"?
"Do you know what Page Rank is"?
"What about link popularity"?
He answered no to all of the above and I then laughed a bit and told him to go ahead and build the page, and that I would even host it for him (for a fee, of course)...haha...of course he never did, and I received a money order for the difference in a matter of a couple days.
"My 'widget' doesn't work, I plugged it in and nothing happens....I knew I shouldn't have done business with you people....I knew I couldn't trust the Internet.....I knew this would all turn out to be a disaster".
It worked fine after she decided to press the on switch. Note to all manufacturers of electronic equipment: Ship it with the on switch active ;)
Now I get email saying:
"My email doesn't work!".
Note to all ISP's and webmasters who provide POP3 access: Remember to tell the client they need to be connected to the Internet before their POP3 email access has much chance of working.
Ship it with the on switch active
I despair at some of the calls we get. I don't know why we bother. Why can't we just have an IQ/commonsense test? All potential customers who fail get given our competitors' contact details. He he, I'd love that.
Email 1: Asked for help.
Email 2: Wow, that was fast, but it didn't answer my question.
Email 3: Did you know that you email me back something everytime I email you?
Email 4: This is fun, I like your quotes.
Email 5: Just seeing what other email you'd send me.
Email 6: I received that email already, can you please send me another autoresponse.
Email 7: Just playing with your autoresponder.
Email 8: Have you received my email yet?
Email 9: I forgot the question I asked, can you please forward me my origional mail?
Every year after the summer session I get a few dozend emails along the lines of:
"I met this cute guy in that bar, can you give me his mail address or mobile number?"
"Do you know mark? Can you send me his address?"
Let's just say there is a lot of language and teenage tourism going on, and the local kids prey on the tourists every year ;)
Customer replies to us
I ordered one, and got one.
Who has one arm?
I expected a set.
Next I ordered 2 and got 2.
Yes, how very strange that when ordering two you got two, guess what happens if you order three?
"It's that wire thing that be watchin people run all up in your apartment while you're gone. I want that thing that the government be having to watch they people, do you know what I mean? It would be hard if you guys had a camera hooked up to some kind of stun gun that would shock people when they try to touch my doorknob. Yeah."