Your favorite customer quote...

[sun818]

I got this from one my customers today:

"Hey, I got the blue widget cable today but the blue widget I bought [from someone else] around the same time is still in the mail."

:)

[Barb45d]

>I said is that one or two r's, he said two...paused....one at the beginning and one at the end.

I thought it was funny too. My kids were bugging me as to what in the world was so funny... It is one of those real life situations where mouth works faster than brain ;)

[nipear]

'Will you marry me. I'm really easy too.'

Yes, my friends, my widgets are that good. And no it's got nothing to do with adult stuff.

'I want to start a company just like yours, will you help me?'

Are you kidding? And I've been getting a lot of these lately. Sure fella, I'll start you right up so you can compete with me. Do you want my customer list while we're at it?....

[garry]

Back in the days of the technology revolution in the Outback, we once recieved a fax.

It was a photocopy of the correct notes & coin for $87.50 , all laid out with serial numbers showing etc.

You know when you say ....just fax us your money & details....some people take it literally

[jk3210]

"This is the third time I've filled-out this Customer Service Request form. Why haven't you answered my questions?"

YOUR EMAIL (Required) ________ <--blank all three times

[paulrollo]

i was chatting by 'phone once to a client who said his web site wasn't working. i checked it out and it was working fine for me so i suggested he try to access it now so we could perhaps diagnose the problem. a few moments went by while i assumed he was getting the site on screen. i said, "have you got it on the screen now?"
he said "no". i said "well, is internet explorer open?" again "no". "can you open it?" - "how?" - "click on internet explorer on the desktop" - "hmmm, (few seconds go by) is that the big 'e'?" - "yeah..."

same guy once needed to free up some disk space so he went into windows explorer and deleted all the files he didn't recognise (including most of the windows directory), phoned up and said, "my pc isn't working..."

[mack]

This happened to me when I was working in a travel agent (call center)

The call started off bad... I didnt hear the call come through and just kept talking to the guy sitting at the next desk... took me about a min to realise someone was saying "helo hello HELLO" in my ear.

Quick appology... Blamed the switch board then carried on as normal. I eventualy made the sale then the phone system started top play up for real. he was very quite and hard to make out.

I took the payment and was double checking all the detils addresses, names ect. You could tel the guy wasn't impressed and when he tried to make his postcode understandable he used phonetics....

All i remember is "C" for charlie "Q" for cucomber... silence....

Not sure who burst out laughing first... made my day anyway. Think you had to be there though.

Mack.

[Essex_boy]

Just had this one, 'your parcel hasnt arrived yet and I move tomorrow, what you going to do about it?'

Erm nothing....

[Rubylily]

I had a lovely one this morning:

Thanks for a great service which I will use again and recommend to my friends and relatives. Customer service is alive and well!

Warms the cockles when customers actually bother to send you emails like that.

[Essex_boy]

Yeah it is nice but some of the customers email read like your dealing with ebay! I find that corny as hell.

Mind you I did receive a thank you from an elderly lady in the USA for her games - they are now on their way to US troops in Iraq.

If she'd have told me id given her far better deal.

[panic]

Warms the cockles when customers actually bother to send you emails like that.

Warms your what now?

Yeah it is nice but some of the customers email read like your dealing with ebay!

I don't have a clue what that means.

[Rubylily]

Warms the cockles of your heart - olde English saying. Heart-warming. ;)

[Essex_boy]

What I meant, relating to ebay, was that customers email me telling me the package arrived safely and that they would deal with me again.

Great ill hold me breath....

Lord teach these yanks some English....

[Macro]

Lord teach these yanks some English....

Did you intend a comma after "Lord"? :-)

[Essex_boy]

I did but couldnt afford it as my credit card company has not paid out yet....

[derekwong28]

"May the fleas of thousand camels infest the ass of the person who screws up your year and may his arm grow too short to scratch his ass!

Happy New Year"

[Essex_boy]

I take it thats a traditional greeting?

[mquarles]

Sounds like a variation on a Monty Pyton line from The Holy Grail.

MQ

[devildude8989]

I like the ones where they threaten to sue me over a $5 ebook that wasn't delivered instantly.

I also like the money orders I get with no information whatso-ever. The product is a subscription to one of my sites :¦

I ask for an email address with all money orders.

[Essex_boy]

Yeah I had this guy buy a widget from me and had it shipped via surface rate - It takes a minimum of 3 weeks.

Two weeks later he's threatening to sue me for non delivery etc etc doh!

[fivaxis]

These are hilarious!

[andy_boyd]

I just love the guys who order from me 2 days before Christmas expecting it to arrive on Christmas Eve, then realizing that it states 2 - 3 weeks delivery all over the site! Then you end up with the whole I'll sue you thing, I'll get consumer this and that ... I'll refund you're order and there'll be no more said.

The best yet, by far, was one guy who didn't get his order on time ... it happens. But he was in the US Army, and he actually said that he would drop a bomb on us if he didn't get his order now! Wish I kept a copy of that email exchange! Fun, really good fun. ;-)

[ppg]

Not so much a customer quote, but I just had an interesting enquiry from a new customer in [a country one has to be careful with]. He asks for a quote, I send him the quote (about £7k for this particular widget).

He promptly sends me an email (unencrypted) with credit card details for 4 seperate credit cards (even included the security number) and he wants the cost spread across all 4 since he doesn't think he'll have enough funds in any one of them to cover it.

This despite the fact that I've already told him the company requires wire transfer on international orders...

5 mins after this email, another one comes in: "Have you process my order yet?"

No, but I've just booked a holiday in Miami and my new car should be arriving tomorrow...

[iJeep]

I had one a couple weeks ago...

A guy calls and the lock on his widget isn't working. I tell him to spray a little WD40 on it and jiggle it because sometimes the pins inside the lock get temporarily jammed in shipping. He yells at me saying that he paid for a new working product and will not perform repairs on a new item. This was a shock to me. I told him that I could send him a new lock. He insisted that I send him a whole new widget. After a few more minutes of yelling I agree to send him another new widget after he returns the current one.

Not good enough. He wanted me to send a Next Day Air call tag to pick up the current one and send the new one Next Day Air Saturday so he would have it in time for the weekend. This is a $100 item that I make $15 on. Exchanging the item would put me in the red alone so I told him it wasn't possible. He starts ranting on about how he is in business and knows that I can do it and that I will. I stayed consistant that it just wasn't possible. Maybe he didn't know me as well as he thought.

After about 30 min more I agreed to send him a ground call tag and refund the money when it arrived in good condition. Saturday I get an e-mail and voice mail from him saying "I tried that WD40 thing, no need to send a call tag, it works great!"

[Jane_Doe]

I had someone email me wanting to know where she could find products like I sold on my site, except she didn't want to buy them from my site--she wanted me to provide her with the name of a local store that sold the same items on my site but at cheaper prices.

[Essex_boy]

The cheek of some people I really don know where they get their ideas from.

Do you think its the 'customer is always right' mind set that allows them to do this?

[andy_boyd]

We get loads of that kind of hassle - it's unbelievable that people actually come and ask where they can buy it locally. I usually say that nowhere near them stocks the item but we can send it to them without any problems, which isn't a lie.

[Macro]

We sell widgets. Big, expensive widgets. And that's all we do. Some calls we've had so far today:

Caller: I'm handicapped and really need my car. Can you help?
Me: This isn't a garage. I've no idea what you are talking about.

Caller: I was only parked for 5 minutes. You guys really are the pits.
Me: Thanks for the compliment but I don't know what you are talking about.
(It is becoming a little clearer though - someone's published our number for getting parking clamps released)

Woman Caller: What the h*ll are you going to do about releasing my car
Me: Absolutely nothing
Caller: I will come and beat you up
Me: I enjoy that sort of thing. What time will you be here? Oh, and you'll need this address... <hang up>

[alarix]

I had a client who was never happy with the colors presented to her in the project comps. We did the comp about 15 different ways, with different color combinations. She kept saying, "it's just too washed out looking. Can you use something brighter?" Finally, I got so fed up I made her find a pantone color chip book and read me the numbers of the colors she liked. We produced a page that was neon yellow and Viking purple and very painful to look at. But she signed off on it, and I no longer cared what it looked like.

Several days later she called me to thank me for being so patient and putting up with her. Then she said, "You know, I'm probably not the best person to be choosing colors since I'm partially colorblind."

[Jane_Doe]

The lady who wanted to know where to get the products cheaper and locally was even cheekier than most. She sent yet another rude email less than 24 hours after the first was sent, taking me to task for not replying to her first email yet, and demanding that I reply to her that day because she was going on a trip and she needed the items in a hurry.

[andy_boyd]

Unbelievable, can you get any lower than that?