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We have started adding video to our website initially i hosted them on one of our web servers but have since moved them to youtube until i get a more premenent and better solution setup. There could be a few reasons why the video is slow.
In my oppinion unless your are "multi media site" forcing visitors to download a 50mb file they may not want to watch is a bit extreme, i initially had our content streaming using a flash player but when i considered my target audience i realized it wasnt such a good idea.
When used with a progressive-download client (e.g. any of the FLV video players written in Flash) the player should buffer a bit, and then start playing before the entire file is downloaded. There's no need to wait for the file to download before viewing.
All a streaming server does is give the client the ability to "index" into the video. For example, if the user moves the scroll bar to half-way through the video, with progressive download the player has to read the first 25MB of the file before it will start playing at the indexed position. With a video server, it will begin playing in the middle almost immediately.
But for most applications, the user won't see any difference.
The reason you aren't getting anywhere with rtmp:// on your server, is that first you'd have to download and install a streaming server on your site.
Server speed and client connection speed are the two biggest factors here.
And server connection speed and utilization, as well.
Server connection speed usually isn't an issue any more. Utilization is. If you're on a low-end host that oversells their available bandwidth, streaming video is going to be disappointing.
Bottom line is, it's unlikely that the reason you are experiencing slow performance is due to the choice between using a streaming server or progressive download.
The problem likely lies elsewhere.