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Does SE really ban site
Is there any ethical way to get it up.
First you have to get caught (i.e., looked at)...which can happen, for example, by being reported via a spam report, or being flagged for further inspection. Then they make their call.
I don't know if anyone outside the SE staffs know exactly what gets you banned, but generally I would say it's for doing things that that intentionally violate their rules in some clear/excessive way. And though I can't prove this, I also think less excessive behaviors can get you banned IF your site(s) are slipping through the algo's or getting undue rankings based on spammish elements in the mix. The latter may be more true of Yahoo, but this is pretty speculative.
I've certainly seen sites banned in G for cloaking and for excessive link spamming, and sites banned in Y for too much cross linking between owned sites.