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1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
At age 4 success is...........not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is...........having friends.
At age 18 success is...........having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is...........going all the way.
At age 35 success is...........having money.
At age 50 success is...........having money.
At age 60 success is...........going all the way.
At age 70 success is...........having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is...........having friends.
At age 80 success is...........not peeing in your pants
He he :)
When they are babies they look so cute, cuddly and scrumptious that kissing them just doesn't seem enough. Sometimes you almost wish you could eat them.
When they are teenagers, sometimes you wish you had.
"Hire one boy, you have a whole boy. Hire two boys, you have half a boy. Hire three boys, you got no boy at all."
That still seems to be true. I call it the reverse multiplier.
I've also noticed that the the amount of trouble a boy can get into increases exponentially (I call it the accelerated multiplier) with the number of boys involved.