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Fast forward to 1993 went in Barclays in Cambridge as the cashpoints were not working. Who did I see? Same guy getting a serious(I mean serious) ticking off for cutting through cables to the cash points.
I prey I never see him again.
Only found out after he'd given me a lift in his sports car from one side of the country to the other, that he used to keep a gun under the driver's seat... I also learnt later that he used to run a yacht from Morocco to the UK, via Spain, on a regular basis...
Plenty more where that came from...
So picture this rack in a proper server room - temperature controlled, UPS, fire monitoring etc. He plugs an an angle grinder into one of the UPS plugs (mistake 1) causing the UPS to have a fit. So he runs an extension cord from outside the room to the angle grinder now through the ajar door. (mistake 2)
Starts cutting into the rack. Sparks fly hitting all of the other equipment in the room (mistake 3). The smoke from the grinding disk sets of the fire alarm (mistake 4). Because the door is ajar, the fire compression system doesn't cut in. He doesn't know anything is happening until the fireman politely taps him on the shoulder, forcing him to turn off the angle grinder and removes his ear muffs.
At least he was looking after his hearing!
So this gentleman is looking for a job - anyone care to employ him?
I spent a week writing and testing a complex query from the AS/400 to the SP-2 risc box. Actually, it never really quite got tested. Every time I tried, it sucked up all the system resources. No problem, set it up to run at 3:00am on Monday morning.
At 3:15 the night shift lost their terminals. At 6:30 the operations people arrive to a cold machine... seems it shut itself down trying to process my query. It took them till noon to trace it back to me, which gave me about 3 hours to start thinking about another job.
One of my female co-workers is leaving the company. So this guy is supposed to take care of her network of sites. While she was explaining to him what to do, he kept making crazy coments like "why would you whant to send a newsletter out?". Then she emailed one of the newsletters to him for him to get a feel for it. He contacts her a few minuts latter and says "this newsletter is totally broken, please fix it and send me the images in a zip file". She had a hard time explaining (without laughing) how to click the "download picktures" button on outlook.
He also thinks he is an SEO expert, but he doesn't even know what a meta tag is. For some reason, they haven't fired him (despite my efforts). I still can't believe the level of ignoramous I am working with. He "optimized" a site. When I checked his work he had only added one keyword stuffed spam paragraf to the top of a page. That is what he called optimization.
Grandpa, yeah, a guy has a right to make a mistake once in a while. But this whole guys life IS a mistake ;)
He was a prep cook. You know, huge knife, slippery vegetables, soon to be eaten food, and this moron taking hits off a cigarette lighter every other breath.
This was years ago. I'm sure he's a public official by now. ;)
In the span of about 3 months:
Jerry had a roll of Swamp Matting (environemental stuff you put under a gravel base as a chemical barrier to prevent seepage into the ground - visualise a big roll of black carpet) roll onto his hand when he reached onto a flat deck to grab a fitting. Cause: Someone on the other side of the flat deck, who didn't see him, rolled the Swamp Matting a whole six inches to get at a different part. Result: Broken hand, three weeks compo.
Set himself on fire in a separator tank while grinding off a plate to accomodate a new coil, the person with him in the separator at the time cracked off a Purple K fire extinguisher to douse flames. Purple K absorbs oxygen. Both people stumbled out of the tank to collapse and cough and hack for an hour. Cause of fire: the tank had supposedly been subjected to a caustic wash to clean out sludge. Whoever did the wash, did a lousy job. Result: two days compo, and a twice annual lung check for life.
Launched out of a picker basket when the picker operator got a little sloppy with the controls. Fortunately, Jerry was wearing his harness, so he only fell 6 fee until the harness rope caught, instead of the 40 feet he could've fallen to the ground. Result: Soiled underpants.
H2S "knockdown" while swapping out valves at a compressor station. Cause: the unit he was working on had supposedly been purged and isolated by the plant operator. A main valve hadn't been fully closed, and a slow leak built up inside the shack. Result: Jerry getting mouth to mouth from an ugly looking brute of an Aussie, and 3 days compo.
Jerry, walking across a lease to go grab a wrench, got clipped by the end of a 20 foot piece of 2 inch sched 80 pipe that someone else dropped, hit the ground, bounced and "whipped". Result: Shattered shin, 3 months compo, Jerry decided to try and find work outside the oilpatch.
Those were just the "major" incidents. Not once did he do anything wrong. In the end, we were sad to see him go. Partly because he was a nice guy, but mostly because when he was around, if something bad was going to happen, it would happen to him, and not us.