Google conspiracy uncovered

Have space aliens taken over google? Enquiring minds want to know...

[richlowe]

Regarding all the buzz lately about how Google knows which sites are related, I have a theory. You all have to swear to keep it secret, because "they" might be listening, and we don't want "them" knowing we know, do we? Or maybe that's part of the conspiracy?

I have uncovered evidence that space aliens have secretly taken over google. These aliens, who call themselves the Googites, have an inherant desire "to serve man" (as evidenced by the recent discovery of one of their books at the United Nations). In keeping with their utterly benign motives, they have placed encrypted telepathic devices in the toolbar which can read everyone's thoughts. Through special patented (via the Alpha centauri office) techology, these thoughts are carefully sifted through for any possible connections between sites. Using this special technology, the Googites (you've seen them on the Simpsons) can ensure that Google's searches are 100% perfect and spam-proof!

What's the next step? My evidence suggests that the toolbar can be remotely upgraded (the recent valintine's day update was a test of this technology) to include telepathic mind-control software! With this, Google can sell ads, then control surfers to click on those ads, thus creating a huge, completely untapped and unlimited source of revenue!

Well, it makes about as much sense as some of the other conspiracy theories on this subject that I've read lately...

;-)
Richard

[richlowe]

Further research indicates that there are some further aliens involved in the conspiracy. They go by the name of web bugs, and these insidious creatures burrow into the digital world, deep into web sites, and cause mayheim and madness wherever they go. Apparently the Googites and web bugs are mortal enemies, and war may soon break out ...

Got to run now, "they" are watching...

[div01]

damn...now where did I put my tin foil hat?

[mahlon]

I can see it now. A Google logo later today of a UFO beeming up the Google letters.

Perhapse UFO would have GATES in the serial #?

[GoogleGuy]

Dang! User Richard/richlowe, is on to our AlienRelevance (tm) technology! We're ramping up quality too quickly, and someone has noticed and somehow figured out our alliance with the benevolent Alpha Centaurs. We'll have to dial it back down a little, and increase the quality more slowly, over the next several months instead of weeks.

(Joking, of course. We have no aliens at Google. Honest.)

[lexipixel]

(by richlowe)....an inherant desire "to serve man" (as evidenced by the recent discovery of one of their books at the United Nations)...

I always remember an old Twilight Zone or Outer Limits episode... Alien were herding earthlings onto a space ship.. the earth-humans thought they were going on to a better place.

One of the aliens had a book titled "To Serve Man".

The punch line?

"To Serve Man" was a cook book.

[IITian]

GG

We have no aliens at Google. Honest.

As a (legal) alien residing in the USA, I am disappointed by GG's honest but perhaps hurtful statement. :)

[SlyOldDog]

This is old news. Google was using the toolbar to read minds in mid 2003.

[rfgdxm1]

>(Joking, of course. We have no aliens at Google. Honest.)

Yeah. Like we thought you'd actually tell the truth and admit it?

;)

[GoogleGuy]

Space aliens. We have no space aliens at Google. Honest. Except maybe a couple on the logo every now and then.

Sorry that I was unclear about that, IITian. :)

[SyntheticUpper]

Is it safe to assume you have humans at Googleplex then?

[steve40]

I believe you GG but when checking google employees old addresses i found it strange roswell was the common theme
and as we all know aliens give with one hand ( algo ) and take with the other (algo )
steve

[SyntheticUpper]

I'd hate to go off topic (if this is possible) - but there are genuine concerns about the invasiveness of the Google toolbar - whether of extra-terrestrial origin or not.

Fun to make light of it though.

p.s. The funniest threads are always in the serious posts though, don't you think? It seems a bit artificial to suddenly have an officially "funny thread" on WW.

[edited by: SyntheticUpper at 10:13 pm (utc) on Mar. 2, 2004]

[pleeker]

Space aliens. We have no space aliens at Google.

On a related note, Yahoo has just announced the hiring of twelve Martians who will quickly ramp up development of the Alien Match program.

The news release says something about "further differentiating ourselves from Google and other search engines" and "exploring the hidden web."

[richlowe]

I wonder what happens if you feed Googites after midnight or get them wet or expose them to bright lights? Might we be able to devise a defense using these methods? On the other hand, they do want "to serve man" so perhaps we should just enjoy the trip?

[richlowe]

It seems a bit artificial to suddenly have an officially "funny thread" on WW

Funny?

[SyntheticUpper]

funny?

Concur - my ribs are certainly still in place.