Forum Moderators: phranque
There are the standard jokes of people complaining that their keyboards don't have an "any" key, of secretaries complaining their coffee tray (CD Drive) got broken ... but it gets worse.
This week:
1. Customer calls to say his video card is "broken". Apparently when he's shutting XP down he loses colour and the screen turns to black and white
2. Customer sends PC back for repair. He's used tiny little foam balls to fill the case to prevent internal parts from "moving around". They've gotten everywhere! including into his Power supply, CPU fan, under the motherboard... everywhere!
3. Customer calls to say that he's bought a new monitor for his PC but he can't plug it into the PC because we've fitted the video card in upside down.
4. Query: My motherboard is dusty, do I use washing up liquid or some sort of solvent to clean it?
5. I've tried to replace my Intel processor with an AMD processor but it don't fit.
Please don't try any of the above at home.
One of the gals in the office came running to me one morning complaining that her computer had died. She was in a panic thinking it was going to need major, major work. Turned out she had jostled the monitor, and it had come unplugged. [/rolleyes]
Me: Thank you for calling Microsoft customer service, my name is Joe, may i have your name please?
Customer: John.
Me: Thank you John, how may i help you today?
Customer: My computer went down on me.
Me: Your computer went down on you?
Customer: No! Not like that! *click* (customer hangs up...)
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I had to get off the phones for 5 minutes so i could take another call without laughing. Too funny! The guys tone was hillarious.
"I deleted all the files I could that ended in .dll, I thought they were unauthorized dowloads, now my system won't boot".
"I pulled the memory from one of my old PCs and put it in my brand new one, now all I get is a black screen, removing the memory doesn't help".
"I changed my font settings, now they're too big and I can't get to the button to click on them again to resize them".
"I installed ZoneAlarm and now I can't get on the internet".
"I put a new processor in my machine and nothing works, a bunch of those little pins are broken too, some of them are stuck inside the chip 'holder'".
"I put one of those business card CDs in my CDROM and my PC ate it, now my CDROM doesn't work".
"None of my passwords work" (tap the caps key)
"My son put a nekkid picture on my PC and it won't go away".
"I changed from AOL to So&So ISP and I can't send or receive email now".
"My PC keeps calling Thailand"! (porn dialer)
And my favorite, "My husband was surfing the net last night and now there's a naked dancing girl on my screen".
LOL!
That's the best.
A friend of mine used to do tech support for American Express. He had some pretty good stories... one of the VPs kept frying his laptop. They'd get it and it would be chock-full of spyware, downloaded illegal programs, porn, and games it wasn't capable of running. They'd fix it, give it back and say "now don't install anything else on it" and he'd say "ok, sure", and a week later, he'd say "It broke again and I don't know why"....
Since at that time we were an authorized installer for it, I jumped in my car and drove 45 minutes to the customers place. As I asked what was the problem they told me they moved the PC and not their software didn't work anymore.
I boot the PC and indeed, the cardreader needed for the application doesn't seem to work. However, neither does the modem. Apparently they switched serial ports when putting everything back on, as well as did they forget they needed a phoneline in order to be able to use the modem.
It was one of the shortest interventions I ever did, but the customer might not have been too happy with the bill.
BTW : I've once seen a customer clean his CD-Rom drive with high pressured air (industrial compressor) "so that it wouldn't collect too much dust".
Oh, the joys of client and user interaction :)
I've once seen a customer clean his CD-Rom drive with high pressured air
Why do we ever let them touch any computer? ;-)
the application doesn't seem to work. However, neither does the modem
What do you say when you go in to fix a modem?
"My name is Baud, James Baud"?
