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My first answer (and no, I'm not trying to be a wise guy) is that AOL users should open a Hotmail account for sending attachments to non-AOL friends and family.
This is one of many AOL frustrations I've heard of. Over the next few days I'll be visiting family who are on AOL and I plan to do some experimenting. If no one else has the answer by then, I'll give you a report on what I find.
You can try the site search here, but that's about what it is. Not all of them end up figuring out how to do it.