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HELPDESK LOG ...
Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one .
* * * * *
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it yet it's still on my desk ... sorry ....
* * * * *
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
* * * * *
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
* * * * *
Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't
print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it ...
* * * * *
Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
* * * * *
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
* * * * *
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8 times as you told me, but nothing's happening ...
* * * * *
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah ... that one does work!
* * * * *
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter "V" as in Victor, the number “7”.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
* * * * *
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
* * * * *
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.
* * * * *
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
* * * * *
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.
Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
* * * * *
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a", but how do I get the circle around it?
Funny Tech Support Questions
So you think you're computer-illiterate? Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton --
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble- shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
8. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
9. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
10. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
11. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:
Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '24X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off.
transpires it had run out of paper. She wasnt aware that it had to have any.
She's now a management consultant - worrying in deed.
Am I a geek? ;)
Gotta love'em.
Really worrying as he is an IT guy with a large Health Trust in the UK.
I once showed him how easy it was to download a piece of scanning software and find holes in the defence, to teh point I even gained root access on a server of a former employer. He still wouldnt believe this could happen to him.
The former employer? they wont take my advice to tighten security either.
"Hello, tech support? I changed my password yesterday and I've forgotten it. Can you tell me what it is please?"
:-)
Having psychic powers is becoming a prerequisite for this job!
We find that the biggest problem people have is that their networks are not properly administered. Our products work just fine when people have their network set up like it is supposed to be, but when we encounter Joe-Bob network admin whose only previous experience was with a Commodore, we have a HECK of a time explaining why our product won't work right.
"What's wrong with my website?"
(types URL) "looks fine here."
"I put in example.com and is says 'no results found.'"
"Excuse me sir - 'no results found?'"
"YES!" (with an 'are you stupid' edge.')
"Can you tell me what it says next to where you 'put it in'?"
"It says 'Search.'"
"Ahh. I see. Tell me sir, up at the top of that window, to the left, do you see the word 'Address'?"
"Yes."
"Try typing your website in there."
"OK. I typed it in. It's not doing anything."
"Now press the enter key on your keyboard, or the 'go' button to the far right."
(pause) "OH! THERE it is!"
At least twice a month, we get customers searching for their website via their home page search engine instead of entering it in the address field.
At least twice a month, we get customers searching for their website via their home page search engine instead of entering it in the address field.
Ahhhhhhhh... This is as good as a support group. I have one client who used to do that, but I thought I was the only one...
-B
One of our customers asked for a little add-on application we provide, so I sent him the URL and download instructions, which included the line "PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS LINK WILL ONLY BE VALID FOR THE NEXT 24 HOURS".
One week later, he called me to say he had just clicked on the link I gave him in his email and complained that it didn't work!
This sort of thing happens ALL THE TIME in my job!
I was emailing an account representative for one of our advertising campaigns.
I gave them my username along with a question. I got a half answer to my question and a question:
You mentioned you have an account and gave me your username, but what is the account name?
*shakes head
he isnt techie in any way and loves the web so Ill guess Ill have to stick in there.
It's only when the calls are escalated to Tier 2 or Tier 3 that you get to speak to a 'proper' tech who actually knows what they're talking about! :-)
searching for their website via their home page
Students mistyping the url always tried again and again in the "search" page that popped up. They thought "search" was a verb and not a product.
Just in the last week, I've had the following:-
(1) A customer needed me to send him a patch to rectify an error message he was getting. I asked him for his email address so I could send the patch as an attachment. He replied that his email wasn't working at the moment and asked if I could fax it to him instead.
(2) A customer needed to download something from our web site, so I emailed them the URL asking them to click on the link. They rang up about 10 minutes later to say they had printed the email, were sitting in the front of their PC - what did they do now?
