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Just had to face an angry ex-wife who was ticked because we won't give her full custody of my husband's son. She seemed to think that despite the fact that she hasn't been able to keep a steady job or maintain a stable residence for over four years, she would be the better parent.
D@mn, I hate it when these things happen on a Friday. :-(
So, whatever you have to do (and can afford - I'm assuming since she can't hold down a job, your financial situation is better than hers) to keep your husband's son in a happy stable household...do it. As for her anger, too bad for her. If she was a better parent, she certainly would've had more rights in the first place. I say this knowing mothers generally get the benefit of the doubt, not to disparage good fathers who don't get custody.
That said, I'm only an aunt, but an aunt who goes to everyone's baseball games, soccer games, birthday parties, etc. The boys are now 13 & 15 and are great kids. Just know that whatever you're having to deal with is for the good of your stepson.
The most important thing for you now is to be fair and honest. Try to analyse the situation as objectively as you possibly can.
She seemed to think that despite the fact that she hasn't been able to keep a steady job or maintain a stable residence for over four years, she would be the better parent.
Sorry to say so, but if those are her only deficits as a mother she might possibly _be_ the better parent. Stable social surroundings are certainly important for a child but nowhere near as important as love and honesty.
So if you have not already done so (my guess would be that you have) you will have to carefully consider if you and your husband can give that boy love and honesty to a degree that at least matches what his mother can give him. And on top of that better social and economic stability in his life. If so you can with good conscience deny his mother's wishes.
Walk in beauty.
If she was a better parent, she certainly would've had more rights in the first place.
Perhaps in the USA. Here in Denmark being a good parent does not give you any protection against being kicked out of your child's life.
Two summer's ago (he spends the summer break with her) we had to literally track her down b/c she was couch surfing with my step-son and her daughter (by another man). Now she has to report where she is living every time she has him so we know he is safe. I won't even list the broken promises about what she was gonna do for him but her life got to be more important so it didn't happen.
See, she found a rich boyfriend and has been living with him for 6 months. She's been selling Party Light candles for three months, so she figures that she is stable enough to support her son. We've seen it so many times, it makes me sick. She plays Good Mommy today and tomorrow it's whatever is good for her.
I understand AAnnAArchy's brother's plight. There are no drug's here, just a selfish person who is looking for a easy way to live. But it doesn't matter. They are both bad parents.
I run this child to boy scouts, I pack his lunch in the morning, I read him stories before bed, but I am not his mom. His mom finds it too much of an effort to even call to talk to him, but chooses to scream at me because we won't let him live with her full time.
I just hate that she can't understand this. That she won't change to become a better mom b/c she is toowrapped up in herself.
I got a great deal of personal satisfaction from my role as a step parent. I feel strongly I was able to make a large difference in the lives of four children who weren't fortunate enough to have mothers who had very good judgement.
My advice? Hang in there. Your obligations are to your family, which includes step children,but not ex-spouses. Do what you feel is in the best interest of your family. Some day you will realize you are a hero. The child will likely grow up to respect you greatly, and even if he doesn't, you will have a great deal of respect for yourself.
This child is not being raised by strangers. He is being raised by his father and step mother. In my opinion, dads often make just as good of parents as moms, especially if he has the support of a loving wife.
Whatever you do, don't ever, ever scream back at her. The child hates that you argue, so don't reduce yourself to a shouting match. Let her know that you don't wish her unhappiness, but that the current arrangement is not changing.
This will pass! He will be all grown up before you know it.
