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"where's that spotty man going with my dinner" (it turned a few McDonald's employees heads)
he also asked me "is that a fat man or a fat lady there, daddy" about the rather large lady sitting very close to him.
Dave
"Why's your garden upstairs?"
Rich
next day he turns to my sister and says "mom, why did you eat a baby?"
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My boyfriend's 8 year old daughter told us her life's plans the other day: When she's a teenager, she's going to clean people's houses for money, and save up her money to buy "a job in a big building with lots of people and desks in it."
That is, if her plans to become an elementary school teacher and run a drive-up ice cream and coffee restaurant out of the school she's going to build don't work out, I guess. ;)
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if you take a small child to a parade and there
are fire trucks, just accept that you're doomed
to later hear the f and t get switched around at a
very high volume.
"i'm pooped' does NOT mean the child is tired, even if the child is 5, accidents can and do happen .. woe unto the adult who merely offers a lap so the child can rest.
"kitty?" is not a curious question, it's kiddoease for
"you'll never believe what sissy's cat fell for this time!"
A young child, whose mother was pregnant, was asked, "Do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?"
She replied, "I don't care, as long as it's wealthy."
Just as we pass, and the rather large guy is extracting himself from his rather small pick up, my daughter points and says loudly (of course!) "Look, Mom! A BABY truck!" with all the emphasis on the word "baby". The guy overheard us, and I am sure he didn't feel nearly as cool or macho after that!
She had me in a shopping cart, and I pointed at a black woman pushing her child through the store and said (loudly, of course), "Mom! Why do they call black people 'black'?" The woman rolled her eyes and kept walking up the aisle past us.
My mom explained it was because they had very dark skin, and we had very light skin. I replied, having spent too much time alone with my crayons, "But they're brown people and we're beige!"
Apparently the other woman got quite a good laugh out of that.
My Nana came to visit Canada from Scotland when I was five years old. When she got to the door she said "my goodness you are getting tall"......."Yes Nana" I said, I'm almost up to your tit's."
My mother said she was mortified.
A few years back my mum was out shopping with her elderly auntie, when they went walking around a shopping centre.
A TV shop had coverage of the national news showing across all the TV screens in the window, as they walked by, covering a story about a terrorist bomb blast in N Ireland.
Seeing the carnage on the screens, my great aunt uttered some profound observations, quite loudly as it happened, along the lines of:
"My, why do they go blowing up all those buildings with tampax[1]!".
We knew she meant cemtex [2] but everyone who overheard here were amused by it.
[1] brand of female-only 'product', at least in the UK, if you didn't know...
[2] explosive, not sure of spelling
:-)
Duke of Url
(counting down the minutes til i can go home)
My Brother in law told me this one, his buddy was in the grocery store with his 4 yr old at the checkout and unloading the groceries, cute 4 year old is in the seat facing the shopper and cart behind and says "what the f##k you looking at" to the surprised shopper behind.
So she tried to get him to say "darn" instead. She told him that "Don't you like the word darn? Darn is a fine word". To which he replied, "Yes, darn is a fine word, dammit."
1.) I think I'd read about another child doing this when mine actually did it. Upon leaving the hospital with our second son, my three year-old started waving bye-bye to him, as my wife was holding the newborn. We explained that Tommy was coming with us, whereupon he said very sweetly, "But where's his Mommy?"
2.) Same child, now four. He wanted to drive the car, which I said he couldn't do until he was "big". About a week later, I (sounding like MY parents) said something silly like, "Eat your breakfast, it will make you big." He thought carefully for a moment and said, "Daddy, if I eat my breakfast, can I drive the car......?"
:)
And:
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair
cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
gonna get hair on your Twinkie." Yes, I know," she replies, "and I'm gonna get boobs too."
He likes the Dollar Store as he has come to understand that his odds of getting something there for no reason are good as it is just one dollar.
My wife and I were having a discussion about the new house we are about to build and what features to add right away. During that discussion, I said that I felt a certain way about a feature because I am "cheap".
My son : "Daddy, you're only one dollar?"...
"Eat your breakfast, it will make you big." He thought carefully for a moment and said, "Daddy, if I eat my breakfast, can I drive the car......?"
Watch that one... A four year old with a week-long memory is a dangerous thing. I give him another 2-3 years before you start finding it hard to argue with him. ;)
Hehe, my dad wasn't allowed to swear anymore while working on the house. Of course my mom wasn't outside with me and the old man when we worked on vehicles. And since he was a mechanic, he did this alot. There wasn't a no swearing rule out there...hehehe
(sitting on the balcony outside our apartment viewing our rose-in-a-pot)
Son: The rose has thorns, Daddy.
Me: Do you know why that plant has thorns?
Son: Yes, because it's a rose.
Me: Yes, right, but WHY do you think it might have thorns? Do you think a cow could eat that rose?
Son: Cows live on farms, Daddy.
Me: I know, but would a cow eat that rose?
Son: Daddy, cows live on farms, they can't come in the flat
Me: Yes, but...
Son: How would a cow get up the stairs to the balcony?
End of conversation...
