Oh, whoops, is it my turn?
The old woman was asked why she had never married. She replied, “I’ve got a dog that growls, a parrot that swears, a chimney that smokes, and a cat that stays out all night. What do I need with a husband?”
The old man was asked if he believed in infant baptism. He replied, “Believe in it? Heck, I’ve actually seen it done!”
The preacher gave a sermon on love and forgiveness. At the end, he asked if any member of the congregation could truthfully say he bore no malice in his heart to any man. One ancient parishioner rose slowly and shakily to his feet. The preacher beamed. “Wonderful! Can you tell us how you did it?” The old man said, “I outlived the sons of bitches.”
