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I answered the phone and a very deep male voice told me in a matter-of-fact tone "I'd like to buy the internet."
I'm sure you've got some better ones...
Here is a couple of classics :
Tech Support: "Tell me, is the cursor still there?"
Customer: "No, I'm alone right now."
========
Tech Support: "OK, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."
M
I worked at an electronics store - it was in a semi rundown building that had about 8 different stores in it.
A long time before I ever got there - the boss had taken two stores and joined them into one. There were two door, but one was all boarded up. The boarded up door had FOUR big signs IN TWO DIFFERENT COLORS on it that said:
TRY NEXT DOOR ====>
I get this call one morning and answer it:
Me: "Hello, XXX Electronics"
Guy: "Hi, I am across the street on the payphone [I look and can see him out the window] I wanted to know when you opened."
Me: "We opened at 9:30"
Guy: "Well I was just over there and the door was locked"
Me: "Hmmm, Hold on a second"
[This had happened before when someone forgot to unlock the door and we hadn't had a customer yet that day so I went to go check - it was unlocked.]
Me back on the phone: "No - it is unlocked."
Guy: "Hmm, cause I tried the door and it didn't budge"
Me: "What door did you try?" [Thinking he might have tried the right one versus the left one - but didn't see the signs - as some people have their arms full of electronics - see the address - but miss the signs]
Guy: "Oh - I don't know - it had all these signs on it that said try next door"
In all fairness to the guy - he said he looked in the other door and didn't see anyone, but I still couldn't help but laugh....
I should have known it when the conversation started like:
deejay: "ok, so your sitting in front of the machine now?"
client: "yes, I'm ready"
deejay: "cool, ok, the first think I want you to do is open 'my computer' on your desktop"
client: ............... (scuffling sounds and a bang) "shouldn't the front just pull off?... I'm not sure if I have a screwdriver here to open the back"
deejay: "wait! no no, we don't need to physically open the machine up. On the screen in front of you there is a button called 'my computer'.. I want you to click on that twice"
client: (nervous laugh) oh, ok.. hang on.. umm.. yeah......... ok.. yeah.. got it..(sound of two slow clicks).. ok.. it's turning off now. Only it's marked "power" on this one, but I figured it wasn't the "reset one". Will it start again on its own?"
deejay: (silence, then muffled noises as deejay stifles hysterical laughter, wipes tears and composes self)....... sorry, wee coffee accident here. No, you'll have to start it up again, but give it a couple of minutes to cool down before we start it back up again, ok? It's always good practice to do a reboot before we start making any changes. (*ack!*) Tell you what... go get a coffee and when that's ready you'll be ok to turn the machine back on.. let it start up and give me a call when you're good to go.
...............
She's my favorite product tester. If I can get her using something, I can get anyone. *l*
Even though I've got tons of 'puter related stories of PEBKAC's (Problem Exists Between Keyboard And Chair), the best one I've ever experienced was while working part-time as a gas station attendant while working myself thru Uni (although strictly it doesn't comply to the theme of this thread)
Some lady comes into the shop and asks if we sell dipsticks. I tell her that we don't, and just off-hand ask her why she thinks she needs one. She goes on to tell me that the one that she has is too short - apparently it didn't reach the oil.
True story :)
2odd...
Client: What do I need to get the internet?
Tech: You need a computer with a modem and Windows 95 or greater.
Client: How much does Windows Cost?
Tech: Depending on the version, it cost between 120$ to 150$.
Client: Ohh! Can I get one Window?
Tech: <laugh> No, 95 Windows is the minimum.
Hotline: Please close the window.
'Client': Ok.
*Noise of someone standing up, going to a window, closing it and coming back*
or:
Hotline: Ok, now get out. (*of the program)
'Client': Ok.
*Noise of someone standing up, going to the door and leaving. Some 15-20 seconds afterwards, a voice far away would ask 'Can I get back in now?'
Difficult to explain, as it was quite long but really hilarious.
