My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
lawman
2:57 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
Firearm humor:
A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.
tangor
4:29 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
Fudge allowed, after all , the hoary joke deserves to be resurrected!
tangor
4:41 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
Looking for the one (or two sentence) liners. Another example:
My girlfriend started smoking, so I slowed down and applied Lubricant.
or
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Go for it, kiddies!
lawman
6:01 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
I take my wife with me everywhere I go, but she keeps finding her way home.
LifeinAsia
7:11 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
Back in the office after an overseas business trip, a guy tells his colleague, "I got this snow globe for my wife." His colleague replies, "Sounds like a good trade."
The original version involved an exchange between a politician and Secret Service, but trying to keep it short and apolitical...
lawman
10:09 pm on Dec 12, 2015 (gmt 0)
I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.
BeeDeeDubbleU
2:53 am on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.
BeeDeeDubbleU
2:54 am on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
They say that many people die because of alcohol … perhaps they don’t realise how many of them are born because of it.
BeeDeeDubbleU
2:56 am on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
After Daylight Savings Time ended, I stopped in to visit my dyslexic friend who was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
iamlost
2:59 pm on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
There are 2-kinds of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
lawman
7:46 pm on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
There are two types of people in the word, those without A.D.D. and those -- Hey, look, a firetruck!
Leosghost
10:16 pm on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
squirrel..
tangor
10:16 pm on Dec 13, 2015 (gmt 0)
I haven't slept for three days, because that would be too long.
tangor
1:25 am on Dec 14, 2015 (gmt 0)
You can never lose a homing pigeon - if your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon.
