Sunday Funnies (day late) Health Regime

[tangor]

How to insert ethnic jokes on your web site. Example follows:

An [ethnicmale] was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day,then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ...... And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

When the [ethnicmale] returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs!

'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The [ethnicmale] nodded ....
'I'll tell you though, I thought I were going to drop dead on the third day.'
'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.
'No, from the fookkin' skippin'.

[tangor]

Not that we should do these things, of course!

[incrediBILL]

<groan> wish i'd skipped reading that...

[tangor]

[ethnicmale] can be changed to [nationalitymale]... would that make it better? These kind of things I do in Perl... old school, but then again, I'm getting long in the tooth. I suspect PHP can do the same thing, right?

[jecasc]

Ah, interesting. I didn't get it at first. Had to look it up in the dictionary. To skip means leave somthing out and "skippin" is short for skipping - which means jumping with a rope. So the [ethnicmale] did jump with a rope the whole day instead of leaving his meals out. Very funny indeed when you think of it.

[tangor]

Over working it... as Google does all the time to our unhappiness...

Skipping is what little kids do, a jump-step, a "skip" which is musical in rhythm, beautiful to watch (in kids) and scary in adults who are not so coordinated (as our dear G is these days). Hence all the "skips" in Panda, Not Panda, Never Was Panda But Catching Up On All You Unruly... a skip... and all the LOSS that occurs between what should be meals or even snacks... and -60 plus loss. In serp rank...

Perhaps my funny is not so funny now, eh?

[engine]

Groan!

Thanks for the effort, tangor!

However, i'll skip that one.

[tangor]

Now I am eternally embarrassed. Thought this humor would explain Life and Universe and Google, and it appears I goofed it. My apologies! Meanwhile, I'll skip what Doc G says for the two days and do biz on the days he said skip... might end up with a 37% recovery ...

One can only [waitingforgoogle] hope.

[tangor]

That said, here's my hope all will work out well.

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time to a Google Exec. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director, kills websites right and left," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. she paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40s, and a preacher when in her 60s, and now in her 80s, a search engine PhD at Google, a "website funeral director".

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

Apologies, (sorta) and I will go away for a week or two... Probably worn out my off-topic internet news not suitable for WW in general. I should be whupped. (Self-flagellating at the moment... and don't make THAT into something perverse!)

[Staffa]

Thanks tangor, I like this kind of humor ;o)

[jecasc]

You have to take into consideration that you have an international audience here. All that wordplay... I have to look everything up. I feel like Data from Star Trek trying to figure out what humour is. What we need is more jokes that are universally understood.

Like this jokes here:

-What is green and jumping through the wood? A pack of cucumbers.

-Two people are crossing a bridge. One falls into the water, the other one's called Marvin.

-What is the difference between a prostitute and Lady Gaga? A prostitute has sex for money, Lady Gaga is a pop singer.


Well, ok. I guess you had to be there to find it funny...

[Old_Honky]

My favourite health related Joke:
Elderly man has to go to the doctor for a check-up, he's a bit deaf so his long suffering wife goes with him to translate.
After a brief examination the doctor turns to him and says "I'm going to need samples of your blood, saliva, urine, faeces and semen". The old chap stares at him blankly for a while then turns to his wife asking "What's that he said?". The wife replies "You have to leave your underpants behind".

[LifeinAsia]

However, i'll skip that one.

Can we change tangor's screen name to Skippy?

[incrediBILL]

Blonde goes to the doctor and says she hurts all over.

Doctor says "show me where you hurt"

She starts pointing and poking all over her body with her finger "it hurts here and here and here and here, what's wrong doctor?"

Doc replies "you have a broken finger"

-What is green and jumping through the wood? A pack of cucumbers.

Whats green and hops from bed to bed? A prostitoad