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Descriptive Insults.

A bit of fun ... what are your favourites?

     
3:06 pm on Sep 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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I am off on holiday tomorrow so I feel like some light relief. Let's have some fun.

In Scotland and other areas of the UK we have a tradition of coming up with really great descriptive insults about those who are somewhat challenged in the beauty stakes. I just wonder if this is the same elsewhere? Here are some examples.

He has a face like a blind cobbler's thumb.

He's got teeth like a set of burglar's tools!

She's got a face like bulldog licking p*ss of a nettle.

She's got skin like a welder's jacket.

A face like someone had set it on fire and put the flames out with a shovel.

A face like a camel eating a lemon.

The last time I saw an ass like that Sabu was hitting it with a stick!

Ugly? If pigs could fly she would be a squadron leader.

Further contributions welcomed :)

7:28 pm on Sept 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception.
7:37 pm on Sept 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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He has the perfect face for radio.
7:52 pm on Sept 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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One of my all time favorites...

He's got a face like a goalie for a dart game.

8:40 pm on Sept 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Looks like the North end of a South bound mule.
9:54 pm on Sept 19, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Last time I saw a face like yours it was on a clock and a cuckoo came out.

ann

2:05 am on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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A face only a Mother could love----maybe.
2:17 am on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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I've seen prettier faces on an iodine bottle.
3:42 am on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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when she walks, it looks like 2 bear cubs wrestling
4:02 am on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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With a face like that, everyday is Halloween!
1:43 pm on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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He's about as sexy as a pissing toad. -- Truman Capote on Mick Jagger.

also, If I wanted a b1tch.....I would have bought a DOG!

2:51 pm on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Not really a descriptive insult as such... but you could always pretend to look shocked and ask "What happened to your face?" :)
2:51 pm on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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His sister is finer than frog hair, but he's so ugly their mamma hung a porkchop necklace on his neck, just so the dogs would play with him.
4:38 pm on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Face like a bag of spanners.
Pug ugly
5:17 pm on Sept 20, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Austrian: You look like puked apple-stew (meaning: you are really pale today). Doesn't really have to be an insult, though it's not a particularly nice thing to say either.
12:19 am on Sept 21, 2006 (gmt 0)

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one of my favourites that I read in a book somewhere

"he's a spherical a**#$@!".

Why spherical?
Because no matter which way he turns, which way you look at him, he's an a**#$@! from every angle.

an insult easily adapted for describing a fuglyfuthermucker

9:40 am on Sept 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

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To a really short guy - "You know what? When it rains, you will be the last one to know!"
10:16 am on Sept 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

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You've git a face like a melted welly! haha

You've git a face like a bulldog chew'in a wasp.

You've git a face like the back end of a double decor bus.

Being glaswegian you have to know some of this stuff :)

1:38 pm on Sept 22, 2006 (gmt 0)

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You got hit with the ugly stick
A face that would break a mirror.

"Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elder berries"

12:51 pm on Sept 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

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she looks like a mule eating briars
12:57 pm on Sept 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Fell out the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!

Looks like a pitbull chewing a wasp.

added [RJ you can tell we come from the same neck of the woods lol]

Mack.

1:31 pm on Sept 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

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lol yeah Mack!

She walks like her ar$e is chewin a brick!

5:52 pm on Sept 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Yur (lower posterior) and your face are a perfect match.

- My Mum's, she's from Glasgow, what a cut-up! The Halloween one is hers too, what a bad influence. Can't count the times I got kicked out of Catlick grammer school.

7:41 pm on Sept 23, 2006 (gmt 0)

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>>she looks like a mule eating briars

I thought the expression is he/she's grinnin' like a mule eatin' briars.

ann

5:55 am on Sept 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

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a good comeback:

I may have been hit with the ugly stick but the whole darn tree fell on you.

Ann

6:06 am on Sept 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

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I maybe drunk.....but, you are ugly.

In the morning, I will be sober!.......Churchill.

6:55 pm on Sept 24, 2006 (gmt 0)

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face like a slapped arse
3:31 am on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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"he's as tight as a camel's arse in a sand-storm"

(tight = frugal = spendthrift = mean with money)

3:44 pm on Oct 5, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Just got back from my hols and some of these cheered me up :o)
3:52 pm on Oct 5, 2006 (gmt 0)

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forget your makeup today love?

I'd need to be drunk to go to bed with that!
(said to couple, one of whom is very drunk)

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