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If anyone has read my posts here I hope that I come across as laid back and sincere, I'm also very detailed in my posts to make sure that there is no misunderstanding what I am talking about.
Unfortunately, I was attacked anyway, so I got up, walked around a bit and then sat back down to surf other sites and that didn't do much. What did help was when my pup laid down next to me and I spent some time petting him instead. Dogs rule!
Yes they do! They are great for relaxation!, and live by simple rules!
Personal attacks have never personally bothered me. It is usually just people expressing an honest opinion, and that is generally a better thing to do than lying or stroking an ego.
A least you get an alternative "forceful" point of view, however distasteful you may see it at that moment in time.
I like up-front and hostile people, I know many hate those types, but, I see those types as taking a risk.....the risk of being wrong and shot down in flames.
The ego strokers never take a risk, they rarely tell the truth, and are tricky to understand.
I think most of us would agree that lying is a bad thing to do......so why do most people do it?......social acceptability is a common cause!
It is usually just people expressing an honest opinion, and that is generally a better thing to do than lying or stroking an ego.
Oh contraire, the nature of humanity sometimes seems to be the only way to feel better about yourself is to belittle someone else. Often people do it just because they can. An honest opinion or argument in a discussion is very different and discernable from an all-out attack.
The only way to survive on the 'net is to realize this simple fact. When someone goes out of their way to flame you and belittle your comments, realize that a flaming post like this is probably the highlight of their day. Sad, really . . .
So take it with a sense of humor and understand it's just another nut from the peanut gallery. Depending on how you feel about it, just ignore it completely, no reaction is often the worse offense to people like this. If you're in the mood to feed the troll, one of my favorite retorts is, "Wow. If you're going to be a turd, go lay on the lawn." :-)
It lets them and everyone else know
This reveals something about yourself that is probably a mistake in participating in some groups. It says you care what they and everyone else thinks. you really shouldn't give that much of yourself. Sadly, many, dare I say most, participants aren't worth it. Many message board participants could care less and are only participating for their own selfish needs, whether it be free information that they would otherwise have to pay for or some subconscious self-gratification of ego. Some are true to what they appear to be, but being a textual medium, it's often difficult to tell the trollers from the posers, the sociopaths from the Bravehearts, the psychos from the healthy.
The thing I like best about discussion groups is it's an opportunity to truly pay it forward. Communicate as selflessly as possible; if your words are worthy and they do someone good, you may never know about it but it will contribute. Usually you don't get to see the rewards of your labors, but this is the truest manifestation of pay it forward; selfless acts with no expectation of reward.
If you become too much a part of what you participate in, this is a setup to take it personally and like you say, pop goes the blood pressure. :-)
I made the terrible mistake once of allowing my personal feelings about a matter go into a post, right here on this board, subconsciously expecting a sympathetic reaction. I violated my own rules and it was a terrible mistake, receiving only brow-beating and flaming of an elitist clique. Fortunately the thread was deleted - I say fortunate not because I was so embarrased at myself, and wished I'd never brought it up, but fortunate in that it removed the fuel for future flaming. How foolish, to actually EXPECT something from a contribute-only medium! :-) So let those attacks teach you what they need to, and don't let them get to you.
where's the golden retriever?
What I like to do is go make tea. Then I get my friend on MSM, point out the attack, next we spend 20 minutes or so drinking our teas and coffees, looking at the attackers excuses for websites, photos, juvenile opinions from 10 years ago, etc.
Cheers you up no end. And then, if you want to reply to the attack you know a damn sight more about the person.
Sometimes you can see how they've misinterpreted something you said in light of their personal history, sometimes you realise they are nasty and have always been nasty. Sometimes you realise they are over-enthusiastic 'manchurian fans' or 'astroturfers' (sleepers paid by a PR company to promote/defend clients on blogs and forums). Sometimes you conclude there is a particular mental illness at work - psychopaths are particularly prevalent in business contexts.
One time I was on the recieving end of an especially nasty attack from some woman I'd never noticed before, on a mailing list. A very good friend had just died, which was the fourth bereavement I'd had that year. She knew this. She deliberately decided to try to induce a nervous breakdown within minutes of finding out.
As she got nastier, I got calmer. She'd piqued my curiosity and that took my mind off my troubles. She ended up screeching her head off. It was quite traumatising for the (mostly young) geeks watching.
Even nutters have their reasons, but I couldn't figure hers out. Especially when you consider how bad her behavior made her look to everyone else.
It was only two years later I found out someone I was seeing on the list was her ex! I wouldn't mind, but she'd dumped *him*!
She'd watched and waited for months for me to look vulnerable.
So, to keep your blood pressure down, I suggest a little research. They *always* have a reason that makes sense to them. Once you understand it, you will usually find they are more deserving of your pity than your anger.
:)
