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but anyhoo --- i dont want to embed it because it is 3.37MB and it would take forever to load.
is there a way for me to use the video without embedding it?
So, without knowing specifics:
1 - If your video file (the .SWF file that calls the actual .FLV) is in a particular folder be sure the associated FLV file is in the same folder - with a FLV created Flash video: the .SWF acts as a header that call on the FLV to stream the actual video which is why, if you look at the size of the FLV, it will be much larger than its associated .SWF.
2 - If you created your video in Flash with an optional player Skin, to display the player's controls, it needs to be in the same folder as the .SWF (and FLV) - however, I've experienced issues where the skin will not display with the video (but the video itself does) and putting the skin (another .SWF file that gets created by FLASH if you used a skin) into the root folder of the website where the index file is.
Good luck!