New favourite customer quotes?

We haven't had a fun thread in ecommerce for a while :)

[Habtom]

There was a fun thread I flagged from few years back Your favorite customer quote... [webmasterworld.com]

I used to sell chocolate covered coffee beans on ebay. One lady left this comment in my feedback: "you are so yummy"
(I think--hope--she meant "they"... ;)

I ordered one, and got one.
Who has one arm?
I expected a set.
Next I ordered 2 and got 2.
Very strange.

Anyone got new ones?

[ByronM]

I had someone complain to high h*** today because his new 52" tv came by freight instead of UPS even though we called to tell him his freight tracking number and the fact it exceeds ups weight limits.

He was upset that we required someone to be there at time of delivery and sign for it and told me his ups driver was his buddy who could have left it.

Sorry.. but i don't leave 2300.00 tvs sitting on front porches and UPS doesn't deliver 'em :)

[rachel123]

My favorite are folks that need their items shipped today, pronto, overnight, NOW. No waiting til tomorrow. No waiting til the order is pulled and packed up. Now now now, charge it now, ship it now.
And then the credit card turns up stolen or otherwise declined.
Worst of these demand to speak to the owner, immediately, (that's me), to say what terrible service they received, and they expect to be given the item for free.
Right.
Everyone's complaining about Canada, but at least the stuff actually gets there. Try Mexico, or worse yet, Venezuela.
Or, sometimes we get calls from old ladies who are at best lonely, and at worst senile.

[ytswy]

I've been rather enjoying the "mistakes made by your website" comments.

Since Christmas I've had "you're website has mixed up my billing and shipping addresses and got them the wrong war around" and "I only ordered one of these but your website changed it to two."

The second one backed it up by saying he "worked with computers all the time and knows they make mistakes.." Yes, since you ask, he did have an aol.com email address.. ;)

[philbish]

I was ROFLOL about this one!

----
Subject: My Order
Email: SpinningDrillcatwithDonkey@*******.com
Message: it was broke. all of it. i send sex.

And we've had customers place orders with names like, "McLovin", and "Hannibal Lecter" (We were extra careful not to mess up Mr Lecter's order, lol!)

Customer's Question: Do they break easily?
Our Answer: Yes

Customer's Question: How do you know if they fit your model
Our Answer: Measure