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Google Analytics - a return to the "hits" metric

     
6:23 am on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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After extensive analysis by our quantitative teams, we've uncovered that hits...is the only metric that actually matters in web analytics. Forget that business about absolute unique visitors, goal completion rate, or even bounce rate. If you want to achieve success, you need to focus on hits.

With this finding, we've gone back to the drawing board with the Google Analytics interface.

[analytics.blogspot.com...]
6:44 am on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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LOL! Web newbies and the non-web savvy rejoice. ;-)
7:07 am on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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Well it's about time Google came to their senses. All those extra links and buttons were confusing. Besides, I only look at the really big numbers anyway.

So first thing I'm going to go is add a few thousand 1-pixel images to each of my pages. That will drive up the hits overnight! But I feel sorry for the people who have to download all those images. Can you imagine looking in the status bar at the bottom of the browser and seeing, "(8,266 items remaining)"
7:20 am on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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Because of time differences I was reading this on 2 April and was wondering what the guys at Google had been smoking. Then I saw what the date on the original blog entry was.
8:59 am on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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So first thing I'm going to go is add a few thousand 1-pixel images to each of my pages. That will drive up the hits overnight!

Then next you need one of those super cool flashing hit counters on every page. Does Analytics offer one? ;-)
1:22 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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cool flashing hit counters


I've heard the rumor that they were hiring in Topeka, Kansas for flashing button designers too. You know, the sofisticated ones that say "Klook hea!".

And the top 5 lucky winners would then enter the final competition: a priveledge of doing the "Serach this site with Google" on sites that are 6 pages or less.
1:37 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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don't forget an animated mailbox "email me"
1:53 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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OK, you got me. I was, "What the ...?" Ohhhh...
1:55 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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I've heard that putting a picture of a guy with a hard hat and a shovel helps, what do you think?
4:19 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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Nice to see Avinash has finally figured it all out. Too bad he wasted time on that book.
5:01 pm on Apr 2, 2010 (gmt 0)

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What happened to "HITS = how idiots track success"?
9:26 pm on May 3, 2010 (gmt 0)

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I'm loading up the 1px transparent images as we speak. Gonna flip that domain o' mine! LOL


I've heard that putting a picture of a guy with a hard hat and a shovel helps, what do you think?
only if it's animated and he digs.
3:54 am on May 11, 2010 (gmt 0)

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This is actually useful and already part of your analytics, look under keywords and you can see what percentage of the total searches you got for that keyword. It's further broken down by position, very useful. Take a look.
 

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