Problem members who won't go away

How do you deal with them?

[GaryK]

One of the sites I am webmaster for, and am tasked with the day-to-day running of, is what seems to be a very popular model widget hobby site.

As the site becomes more popular there seems to be a growing number of members who just can't follow the rules. You all helped me deal with that issue in another [webmasterworld.com] thread.

After being very patient and polite and explaining the rules over and over again I've still found it necessary to delete a few members who were very verbally abusive in response to my attempts to mediate a problem.

One of those former members (now just a user) has taken to e-mailing me daily with the most polite requests to be forgiven and reinstated. The problem is he's lied to me (used two different names), cursed at me, and repeatedly violated our rules against spamming our forums with promotional URLs for commercial services.

Here's my question:

Do you think it's better to just add these users to my e-mail blacklist or try to make an example of them by pursuing the matter with their ISP whose own TOS, at least in the case of the above user, bans their members from violating the TOS of other websites?

Sorry if I sound whiny or thin-skinned. I'm basically just a programmer who's trying to be a diplomat and apparently failing. Most of the programmers I know are not good at diplomacy. ;)

[storevalley]

just add these users to my e-mail blacklist

Sounds like the best option to me. Making an example of somebody takes time and effort. Best reserved for people who really deserve this kind of treatment :)

[Jenstar]

You can ask for a $100 "good behavior deposit". If he violates any of the rules (be sure to say the specific ones you are having issues with, such as language and spamming), he loses the $100 deposit, and you just got $100 for the aggravation of having to deal with him.

If he lasts one year on good behavior, he gets the $100 deposit back. And chances are if he's been good for that long while actively participating, he won't go back to his old ways.

It will show you his true motives if he is/isn't willing to pay. If he says no way, you know he was likely only wanting posting privileges for bad purposes ;)

[henry0]

Web or direct face-to-face one should be standing on its firm ground
Make a decision; stick to it
Do not get too many advises
Follow your guts feeling
More and more each similar situation is different so others cannot really comprehend yours, neither can I, however the above still applies

[HughMungus]

Sounds like the best option to me. Making an example of somebody takes time and effort. Best reserved for people who really deserve this kind of treatment :)

Not to mention that there are all kinds of people out there and not all of them are super duper "stable".

[rcjordan]

>programmers I know are not good at diplomacy

Diplomacy fails 75% of the time anyway. Just flush him.

[D_Blackwell]

--Diplomacy fails 75% of the time anyway.--

Dead on. People can and do make inexplicably poor judgments from time to time (me too), but you describe long term boorish behavior. This goes directly to character. Dump him and don't look back.

Eventually, you will have suffered enough. Might as well be right now.

[GaryK]

Jenstar, I have to state that I admire and respect your ability to come up with an alternative to almost any situation. Were it not for other advice offered here, plus advice gleaned from speaking with my father, a long-time lawyer, banker and business person, I'd probably go with your suggestion.

The general consensus seems to be that in certain situations where customers/users reduce ROI to zero or less, and increase personal stress levels too high, they're just not worth dealing with or even hearing from.

I'll be adding the person in question in this thread to my e-mail blacklist (he's already banned from joining the website again [fixed IP Address]) and have more time to spend on the things I love about this business.

Thanks to everyone who offered their input.