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If AdSense Had a Support Line What Would It's Options Be?

     
9:33 pm on Jun 13, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Let's skip the serious debates for a little fun.

If AdSense had a public support line, what would it's options be?

Thank you for calling AdSense
Please listen to our menu as the options have changed:
Press 1 for delayed stats
Press 2 for banned account
Press 3 for check not arriving in far away places
Press 4 for income has plummeted
Press 5 for irrelevant ads

What else do you think would be on this list?

Let's keep it clean and nice ;)

9:42 pm on June 13, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 6 for there are trojans on this landing page.

Had that case once. Complained to the german office since it was a german ad. Got "no it does not!" back. Replied, stating that 5++ people tested it and got the same result and had a "oh, yeah, sorry, ehm, yeah, automated ehm response ehm, yeah, sorry, we banned them"-reply.

9:58 pm on June 13, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 7 for account denials. Supposedly it's getting harder to get into Adsense? I started my account back in the day where they bsically just gve accounts away for having anything slightly resembling a webpage.
11:15 pm on June 13, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 0 to speak to a live person.

It's not necessary for that person to actually be able to help you any nor would it be likely to be more than a shoulder to cry on.

12:15 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 8 for a List of MFA sites to block
Press 9 for SmartPrice-beating tips
2:54 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 9 to do what you should have done in the first place: send an e-mail . :-)
3:45 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 10 if you think its too complicated
Press 11 if you think the bids people are paying for ads are way too high.
Press 12 if your keywords are not working
5:32 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 13 to report MFA sites (not that anyone cares!), lol
6:03 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 14 for suicide helpline
Press 15 for Low income counseling on "maintenance" days
Press 16 for insomnia / indigestion prescription
Press 17 for volunteering to donate more income share to Google
6:05 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 3693 to hear these options in Klingon
Press 3694 to hear these options in Elmer Fudd
Press 3695 to hear these options in Latin
6:07 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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3694 please.
6:07 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Of course...

Press * to directly speak to the AdSense Advisor (ASA)

;)

3694 please.

You asked for it...

Dank you fow cawing AdDense
Pwease wisten to ow menu as the options hawf changed:
Pwess 1 fow dewayed stats
Pwess 2 fow wascawy wabbit
Pwess 3 fow check not awiving in faw away pwaces
Pwess 4 fow income has pwummeted
Pwess 5 fow iwwewevant ads

[edited by: incrediBILL at 6:15 am (utc) on June 14, 2009]

6:15 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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LOL
6:17 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Hahaha, that was great. If I had Elmer Fudd read my Adsense stats to me everyday, I wouldn't feel so bad about the stats dropping this year.
6:55 am on June 14, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Actually, it doesn't matter what number you press, because you will receive the same recorded message to tell you to go to their google groups and ask there.
12:19 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Okay, I dare you: 3695 please.
12:54 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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To speak to a live person input the correct, complete value of Pi and we'll be glad to help.
1:18 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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To connect to your representative please enter their complete email address and the press pound.
2:40 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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To connect to your representative please enter their complete email address and the press pound sand.
2:52 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Ig-pay Atin-lay ith-way eal-ray Atin-lay ossed-tay in-ay.
(Ardon-pay ad-bay ammer-gray)

Ublisher-pay irritus est.
Ublisher-pay pulsat et 3695.
Ublisher-pay clamorum ASA: "elp-hay us-ay!"

[edited by: RonS at 2:52 am (utc) on June 15, 2009]

2:56 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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I get the feeling that people are not that impressed with Adwords support.
3:59 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Okay, I dare you: 3695 please.

I'll take that dare and get as close as I can...

Gratias ago vos pro dico AdSense.
Commodo audio nostrum novus bene :
Tactus I pro cunctator civitas
Tactus II pro vexillum ratio
Tactus III pro reprehendo non adventum in recedentia absentis locus
Tactus IV pro reditus has cado
Tactus V pro amplio ads
4:02 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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RonS:
simul ridemus

Woz

4:06 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Need something for those of us on the other side of the pond of course.

Press 3 repeatedly for "cheque" not arriving in far away places.

Onya
Woz

4:25 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Need something for those of us on the other side of the pond of course.
Press 3 repeatedly for "cheque" not arriving in far away places

I thought everyone of us in OZ had EFT?

5:52 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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dibbern2:
Semper ubi sub ubi purus
8:15 am on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Thank you for calling AdSense
Please listen to our menu as the options have changed:
Press 1 If you want a canned explanation as to what happened to our support form.
Press 2 If you want a canned explanation explaining why we cannot provide you with support.
Press 3 if you are willing to start an Adwords campaign so you can see what our support form actually looks like
Press 4 If you would like to listen to this menu again
Press 5 If you want some 'on hold' music.
1:16 pm on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press *0 to go back to the days before AdSense when making money from information based websites was a nightmare
8:47 pm on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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414 PIP has now started
415 Do you have PIP in ....
416 Hey I've got my PIP what about you
417 Oh no, I don't have PIP
418 Check webmasterworld to find out if PIP has started
419 If you have checked WebmasterWorld and PIP has started somewhere in hicksville and you are panicking ,press to hear some soothing words

Wonder if the last two would stop a thread every month on WebmasterWorld or if it would heighten the anxiety!

10:59 pm on June 15, 2009 (gmt 0)

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Press 1 to hear a recorded message that won't help you at all.
Press 2 to listen to the message again.
Press 3 to leave a message that no-one will listen to - ever.
Press 4 to be reassured that your impressions and clicks will not be affected during site maintenance.
Press 5 to be sent in an ever decreasing loop and eventually be placed on hold until sometime in 2012 when an operator will hang up on you.
This 32 message thread spans 2 pages: 32