Computer as spouse replacement

[incrediBILL]

Something to ponder as the internet changes our social structure.

Everyone always says "if it could only cook..."

In most urban areas you can order virtually any food to be delivered already cooked, and Safeway and Albertson's will deliver just about everything else you need which can all be ordered online.

So the next challenge was "if it could only do the laundry..."

There are Laundry Pick-Up & Delivery services you can schedule over the internet as well.

What about the rest of the household chores?

You can order maid service to clean the house, do the windows, scrub the toilets.

You can order repair services to fix or replace anything broken!

What about companionship?

Online game playing, chat rooms, dating services, and "video on demand" to help with those pent up, um, needs.

So seriously, what do you need a spouse for except to make all the money you spend all day ordering services on the computer?

Google AdSense covers this, you make money WHILE you're ordering everything else online!

HERMITS UNITE! WE NOW HAVE A COMPLETE SUPPORT SYSTEM!

[snowman]

Problem is....it all costs money. Big time!

No thanks....I'd rather have the companionship of a good woman.

[incrediBILL]

I already have a good woman, she's the 2.0 edition.

But the point is, if her version expires I can exist with just the computer for a long time until I install wife 3.0

[collymellon]

my girl is about version 2.1; I spend all my time on me PC much to the distress of V2.1. I am thinking about reverting back to version 2 since 2.1 reported viruses and spyware as a result of all my time on the damm computer. ;)

[Essex_boy]

Another annoying habit of the V2.1 is that it shorts out and blows a fuse every now and again, no joke you can never tell when its going to happen or whats going to make it happen.

Then it wants near constant software updates from Italy or France.

You start looking at version with more user friendly software and thing dam near explodes. Those v 2.1's

[graywolf]

Computers won't laugh at your corny jokes, hold your hand when you walk by the lake at park, and they won't ever surprise you with your favorite candy bar ...

[Essex_boy]

no but thry are cheaper to maintain

[lgn1]

My idea of a perfect wife would be a cross between
Deanna Troi and Subcommander T'Pol.

Somebody that could read my mind, and be controlled
by logic, not emotion :)

[Syzygy]

Aren't we going back to the end of the last century with the gems such as:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year a friend of mine upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new programme began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs during system initialisation and it monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Lots_o_beer 2.5 and late_night 2.00 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can not seem to purge Wife1.0 from the system. He is thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help us?

Dear Sir,

This is a very common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" programme. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything!

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. I recommend you keep wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). The best course of action will be to push apologise button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. Wife 1.0 is a great programme but is very high maintenance.

Yours,

Tech Support

Syzygy

[Angelis]

Whats a girl?

[JAB Creations]

Problem is I think that women are not generally raised in a fashion where they can understand why it is important that Gecko and IE look and work the same...why you HAVE to attend that raid to blackrock...why you wanted it during dinner but you won't come to bed at 3am.

For us, we are not really the ones at fault. We are in our own way the more advanced part of society. While we are tending to be more apt at being socially inept we are ultimatly the ones who make things work...or work until they break...requiring other males to fix things. Women tend to fill more of the social web of humanity.

I think if men did a better job at their non-social activities (like building browsers to be W3C compliant) men would be more social. If women put SOME value in to what WE do then we wouldn't have this great divide. If people in general got together based on common interests the US wouldn't have a 50% divorce rate.

If if if...

[lawman]

Problem is I think that women . . .

Stop thinking about it so much or you'll never get a girlfriend. :)

[davewray]

I'd rather have a "soft-drive" over a hard-drive any day. And I'd get the best "plug-in" I possibly could...

[Sarah Atkinson]

Another annoying habit of the V2.1 is that it shorts out and blows a fuse every now and again, no joke you can never tell when its going to happen or whats going to make it happen.

sounds like it was made by microsoft.

those add on programs from fance and Italy someone else was talking aboult work great there.. Might I recomend a small Italian program named "La Perla". Works well with V2.1. Install it on top of V2.1 then turn V2.1 on.

[sugarrae]

What's better than being a hermit? Having a significant other whose just as geeky and Internet inclined as you are. ;) It's not every day you can have a heated argument in your kitchen face to face with your significant other about Latent Semantic Indexing now is it? ;)

[Sarah Atkinson]

I wish my S.O. was a real geek.

[collymellon]

buy him some glasses and an internet connection - he'll soon become that geek..;)

[john_k]

Chick 3.0 is due out soon. It still has a lot of the other problems already mentioned, but at least it is skinable.

[Drastic]

I've heard all versions of Chick are incompatible with any version of Wife.