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[edited by: Brett_Tabke at 7:35 pm (utc) on Feb. 6, 2004]
1. "It works on my machine."
If you want, you can add my favorite phrase: I'll check that.
I distribute free software without any warranty, but I try to make good software. If an error is reported, I try to fix it. If all programmers did so, all the software would be very better!
Greetings,
Herenvardö
I distribute free software without any warranty, but I try to make good software. If an error is reported, I try to fix it. If all programmers did so, all the software would be very better!
I too have a problem (or had, should I say): I used to waste too much of my time paying attention to details. This weakness I had made me abandon projects (more than once) simply because I just couldn't move on -- I found myself stuck in the same level... I am better now, though, as I have learnt with my own mistakes myself.
Regards,
d#Nimrod
What did YOU do to break MY code!
How do you mean?
That's probably my favorite. That, or "It was working yesterday" :)
"well, of course you cant put 10 pages of text into an access memo field not not expect it to crash'
heh
I just blame microsoft.
"well, of course you cant put 10 pages of text into an access memo field not not expect it to crash'
Speaking of which... I just remembered something:
"At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the car windows, shut it off, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "CarNT", but then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would only run on five percent of the roads.
.L
:o
.L
and it goes on... anyone interested check this site [edge-inc.net] for the full story.
more questions...
"And the computer is on?"
Ok, I really do have a clue - don't read me your premade help files, I searched the knowledge base before I called you up, and that's why I told the person in India to put me through to a real programmer.
"So you read the entire knowledge base?"
No, I searched it - there's like 50,000 documents in there. Of course, I didn't read them all. Have you ever read them all?
"Don't think so."
more time passes...
So, can you fix it?
"Do you have another computer you can try it on?"
It doesn't run on the laptop, that's the one I need to travel with.
"But have you installed it on another computer and tried to run it?"
No.
"Do you have another one you can try?"
Yes, there is another computer, but are you going to give me a liscense number to put it on a 2nd computer?
"Don't think I can do that"
Then I can't try it on another computer.
"I don't know what to tell you."
Can you put me through to a senior programmer.
"What do you think I am?"
Someone who answers questions for people who ask to speak to a programmer.
"Can you hold?"
Yes.
3 minutes later.
"I hear you have a problem?"
fill in details...
"When was it shipped to you?"
Two days ago.
"Did they send you the patch?"
What patch?
"The one we released yesterday."
Is it on your website?
"Not yet."
Then how can I download it?
"Let me just email you a copy."
Less than 5 minutes later...
"Does it work now"
Yes.
"Anything else I can do for you?"
Nope, thanks
"How would you rate our customer service?"
Top 20 replies by programmers when their programs don't work:
You missed out "It's a one-off error". Said consistently to me by one programmer when I kept refusing to okay his mods after doing some testing (if you're reading this: Hi there Steve....).
Greetings,
Herenvardö
PS: Note about Packard Bell computers: Even when they have a great custommer support service, their PCs are made with a lot of non-standard parts and are difficult to update. I don't want to make advertisement of any company, neither positive nor negative. Personally, I think Packard Bell is a good choice when you purchase your first PC and have no experience.
lawman
<snip>
[edited by: Brett_Tabke at 7:36 pm (utc) on Feb. 6, 2004]
[edit reason] no copied in content onto WebmasterWorld anywhere. see tos. [/edit]
"Real programmers don't work from 9 to 5. If any real programmers are around at 9am it's because they were up all night." -- Anon.
Some things never change....
My personal favorite, "One thing you never want to hear from a programmer"
"Oh crap!"
grandpa
"It will be ready tomorrow"
Ha. The thing is that programmers don't sleep, so tomorrow never comes...
Well, they may nap while you are sleeping, but if they wake up before you do it's a lot like that clumsy tree in the woods that keeps falling with no one around.
