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If you were the son/daughter/wife/concubine of a deposed/deceased/exiled/dismembered diplomat/magnate/politician/governmentlackey who had overbilled/embezzled/secreted/stashed millions/billions/squillions of US dollars who was now living in unfortunate-circumstances/abject-poverty/fear-of-your-life/suburbia and seeking a trusted-third-party/most-excellent-friend/exemplary-business- person/sucker, YOU'D HAVE EARNED THE RIGHT TO SHOUT AT THE WORLD TOO.
DAMN IT, I SPAT MY BEER ALL OVER MY NEW LCD MONITOR WHEN I READ THAT DEEJAY - SHALL I SEND YOU THE BILL?!
*pats TJ on the back* Oh dear.
PLEASE ACCEPT MY APOLOGIES TJ AND BE REASSUREDLY GOOD FRIEND THAT IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION TO CAUSE YOU INCONVENIENCE YOU IN ANY MANNER BUT RATHER THAT WE SHOULD BENEFIT BY OUR MUTUAL ACQUAINTANCE IN THE SHARING OF FORTUNATE LAUGHTER THIS FOO FRIDAY.
PLEASE DO INDEED BE SENDING ME THE BILL FOR YOUR MONITOR AND I SHALL REPLACE IT FORTHWITH AS SHOULD ONLY BE EXPECTED OF AN HONEST PERSON SUCH AS MYSELF.
IN TURN AND TO AID WITH THE SUCCESSFUL AND PLEASING COMPLETION OF OUR CORRESPONDENCE HOWEVER, I AM EMBARRASSED THAT I MUST ASK YOU FOR VERIFICATION OF YOUR IDENTITY IN THE NATURE OF A COPY OF YOUR PASSPORT AND SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER (OR NATIONAL EQUIVALENT), AND INFORMATIONS TO AFFIRM YOUR HEIGHT AGE, SEXGENDER, PIZZA PREFERENCES AND INSIDE LEGSEAM MEASURES. NATURALLY YOUR BANK ACCOUNT DETAILS WILL BE REQUIRED TO ENABLE DEPOSIT FOR YOUR CREDIT, TOGETHER WITH A SIGNATURE EXAMPLE ON A BANK SIGNATURE CARD SUCH THAT I MIGHT CONFIRM THAT YOUR MONEYS SHALL BE PAID TO THE CORRECT ACCOUNT AND NOT TO SOME INTERLOPER WHO MIGHT ACCESS THIS COMMUNICATION.
HUMBLY I DO APOLOGISE FOR THE EXTEND OF THIS NEEDY INFORMATION, BUT IT IS AS I HAVE BEEN ADVISED SHOULD BE REQUIRED BY ME SO THAT I, AS AN INNOCENT AND TRUSTING PERSON SHOULD NOT BE HOODWINKED BY NEFARIOUS PERSONS FREQUENTING THE INTERNET.
YOURS SINCERELY,
DEEJAY
[edited by: deejay at 10:54 pm (utc) on Oct. 9, 2003]