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Over the past couple of years I feel as is I have gained another family, a very extended family of all of my friends here at WebmasterWorld.
I thought you might like to sing some Carols with me, er, that is, some Carols especially suited to Webmastering and SEOing.
So gather by your screen light, sip the eggnog, hold hands, and sing along with a new carol each day/night leading up to Christmas.
Onya
Woz
You better not spam
You better not sham
You better not cram
Keywords like a ham
Googelbot is crawlin’ the web
She's reading the page
To see if it stinks
Gonna find out who’s got lotsa links
Googelbot is crawlin’ the web
She knows when you are faking
Invisable text your making
She knows when you are cloaking
So you better cloak right for PageRank’s sake
Oh, you better not vote
On the tool bar
‘cos she will note
Just who you are
Googlebot is readin’,
Googlebot is readin’,
Googlebot is readin’ your mind.
Lyrics (c) Woz 2001!
She knows when you are spoofing
She knows when you're a fake
She knows if you've been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
Oh .... you better not Cloak
Better not try
Better not spoof, I'm telling you why
Googlebot is crawlin' the web!
Silent Excite
Hopeless tonight
All is gone
Out of sight
'Round yon corner lurks Overture's child
Evil spawn - insidious and wild
Sleep in heavenly peace ...
Sleep in heavenly peace.
Darn it Woz ... now I can't stop!!!
All of the other robots used to laugh and call him names.
They never let poor Robozilla
join in any bad link games.
Then one foggy Christmas Eve
Skrenta came to say:
"Robozilla with your nose so bright,
won't you guide my site tonight?"
Then all the robots loved him
as they shouted out with glee,
Robozilla the red-nosed robot,
you'll go down in history!
[dmoz.org...]
Dashing through your posts
From his little cubicle
Looking for your myths
Laughing all the way
Reporting to the Top
And making them laugh too
What they talk about, we'll never know
But it'll affect you
Oh Googleguy, Googleguy, Googleguy is near
Oh what fun he has reading
Your posts about getting kicked
Oh Googleguy, Googleguy, Googleguy is near
What will he post next time
That will disprove all your myths
Oh, gOOgle i wonder, google i might ...
keep tweeking my sites thru the night,
i'll keep on trying 'cos i'm not buying
give me the perfect seo'd site
Glorious now may Fast arise,
let the free submit survive,
keyphrase, keyphrase!
oh, please make my rankings rise.
O Overture, O Overture !
How are thy editors so Vigilant!
O Overture, O Overture,
How are thy editors so Vigilant!
Not in the [pause] summertime,
But in winter [pause] is their prime.
O Overture, O Overture,
How are thy editors so Vigilant!
O Overture, O Overture,
Much displeasure doth thou bring me!
O Overture, O Overture,
Much displeasure doth thou bring me!
For every year the Overture,
Brings to us all both joy and disagree.
o come, o come t-e-o-m-a
will you give un-to us
a ranking place, on ask dot com
i wait, i wait, but how long?
Rejoice! Rejoice!
all the top spots shall come to thee, O seo'er.
o come, thou wisdom from on high,
is a hyphen better and if so why?
to us the path of knowledge show
are hubs the future, i want to know!!!
Rejoice! Rejoice!
all the top spots shall come to thee, O seo'er.
O come, thou google, last of the free
all your new features we can see;
scan all my docs and pdfs
give me a boost from my hidden refs
Rejoice! Rejoice!
all the top spots shall come to thee, O seo'er.
Away in cyberspace, no one ever said,
This job would pay more than our mean Uncle Fred.
We hated that job ___ and prayed for the day
We could leave his damned factory ... and do things our way.
Now we work in our undies, stay up till its late
And for next month's results, we patiently wait.
We love thee Googlebot ___ look down from on high
And remember our best friend ... is your Googleguy.
Don't forsake us Googlegods, we beseech thee and pray
That you'll love us forever and never will stray.
Bless all your dear fans ___ and of us please take care
Keep delivering the goods ... and we'll always play fair.
2. Its beginning
(Tune - Its beginning to look like Christmas)
It’s beginning to look a lot like update
Everywhere you go
Take a look in double u 2
And then in double u 3
With serps a bouncing up and down we know
It’s beginning to look a lot like update
Mistakes in every serp
But the prettiest site to see
Is the smile that will be
On your Banker’s face
A position at top
Or at least number 2
Is the wish of everyone here
Results that are quick
And searchers that click
Is the hope of all far and near
And then we all can hardly wait
For spid’ring to begin
It’s beginning to look a lot like update
to all of us that know
There’s a high position there
And a medium one as well
For a site that doesn’t try to trick the bot
It’s beginning to look a lot like update
Soon the sales will start
And the thing that will make them buy
Is the serp they found you by
On Mr Google's site!
Lyrics (c) Woz 2001!
Spam the web and suffer folly fa la la la la la la la la
T'is the internet - watch her volley fa la la la la la la la la
Avoid the usual web site peril fa la la la la la la la la
Join me now and sing this carol fa la la la la la la la la
See the changing web before us fa la la la la la la la la
Stop the spam and join our chorus fa la la la la la la la la
Follow me in keyword measure fa la la la la la la la la
Come, let's reap that web site treasure fa la la la la la la la la
Fast away the old rank passes fa la la la la la la la la
Hail the new serps lads and lasses fa la la la la la la la la
Join we all in merry laughter fa la la la la la la la la
Climb the serps - is what we're after fa la la la la la la la la
Spam the web and suffer folly fa la la la la la la la la
T'is the internet - watch her volley fa la la la la la la la la
Avoid the usual web site peril fa la la la la la la la la
Please don't destroy another carol fa la la la la la la la la
In my best Jim Carey voice:
"Somebody STOP me!!!"
(This is all your fault Woz! Maybe that fever hasn't passed after all DaveN ... smart a**)
Stopping now, amusing chaps - well done. (wonder what you would sound like actually signing the songs that you've written, lol).
3. We Three Engines
(Tune: We Three Kings)
We three engines no longer are
But a memory distant and far
Once were majors
Now just minors
Use us to buy your car
(chorus)
O, star of data, star of Serps
Star of relevant results
Once a mainstay now a mem’ry
Woulst that you were ‘live today
Got Excited when they were bought
Seems Excitement was but for nought
On the dogpile
Plays the Overture
‘tis nothing like it ought
(chorus)
Oh, star of data, star of Serps
Star of relevant results
Once a mainstay now a mem’ry
Woulst that you were ‘live today
Infoseek a Search Engine was
Disney bought them just because
Had a name change
Then abandoned
Not the star she was
(chorus)
O, star of data, star of Serps
Star of relevant results
Once a mainstay now a mem’ry
Woulst that you were ‘live today
Snap your fingers, oh what a blast
NBC thought that they would last
Exit looming
Like cars xooming
On Super Highway
(chorus)
O, star of data, star of Serps
Star of relevant results
Once a mainstay now a mem’ry
Woulst that you were ‘live today
Lyrics (c) Woz 2001!
4. Oh Overture
(Tune Oh Christmas Tree)
Oh Overture, Oh Overture,
I want to be first in the SERPs
Oh Overture, Oh Overture,
Please take my cash until it hurts
I have to sell a lot of stuff
I’ll let you know when it’s enough
Oh Overture, Oh Overture,
Where can I buy a box of snuff.
Lyrics (c) Woz 2001!
My paltry attempt is to the tune of The 12 Days of Christmas - for sake of brevity here is:
The 12th Day of Cloaking....
On the 12th day of Cloaking my true logs said I had...
12 Scooter's abusing
11 Zyborgs musing
10 Gullivers travelling
9 hits from Ask Jeeves
8 Uknown IPs
7 Fast-Webcrawlers
6 Direct Grabbers
5 Slurp CATs
4 e-mail siphons
3 Fireballs
2 Extractor Pros
and.....
a Google ban because I was bad. ;)
I Saw Your Site Cloaking Googlebot
I saw your site cloaking googlebot
You did not think that you would get caught!
But I clicked on cache,
And saw the hidden dash
That linked to all the domains
That you so carefully wrought.
Then, I saw google cloak check your site
Behind the mightty scripts you write.
Oh! What a laugh its gonna be
As soon as you will see
Your site scrapped on www3!
What bot is this, who will not re-st, why oh why is he cree-ping?
He hit my site, 80 times tonight, while Goo-gle-bot lies slee-ping.
Why, why won't he time his hits; he has no cla-ss, can't use his wits ...
Who, who is ping a link, son-of-a-bi-**h, how dare he?
Why is your site pe-nal-ized tonight, where are those hi-ts you're nee-ding?
Why live in fear, O sinners hear; don't cloak, don't spam, I'm pleading.
Try, try to keep it clean, with better se-rps for you, for me
Jail, jail let spammers fail - of Goo-gle ba-r, be war-y!
So bring some light to the net tonight, the bots are out, and they're fee-ding.
Con-tent is king, sal-va-tion ring; let cloa-kers ta-ke a beat-ing!
Raise, raise our serps on high, hear us sing our tri-um-phant cry
Joy, joy to be number one, come lets sing and be merry!
Here comes Googlebot, here comes Googlebot,
Right down Googlebot lane
Sniffin' and whiffin', he knows your game dear
Noting all your names
Bells start ringin', when you are linkin'
To all your other sites
Clean up the spam and say your prayers
'Cause Googlebot comes tonight!
OH ....
Here comes Googlebot, here comes Googlebot,
Right down Googlebot lane
He's countin' keywords, adjustin' page rank
For all our sites again
Watch that bot go, zippin' zappin',
Oh what a beautiful sight
Stop the rants and watch him dance
'Cause Googlebot comes tonight!
OH ....
Here comes Googlebot, here comes Googlebot,
Right down Googlebot lane
He doesn't care if you're rich or poor
He'll nail you just the same
Google knows when you've been spammin'
That makes everything right
So fill your site with content clear
'Cause Googlebot comes tonight!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!
(Come on Woz ... what have you got for us today?)
5. I’m dreaming of a Search Engine
(Tune – White Christmas)
I’m dreaming of a Search Engine
Just like the ones we used to know
Where the spiders hasten
And coders listen
To optimizers in the know
I’m dreaming of a Search Engine
With every tag and page I write
“May your site be spidered all right
And may all your search results delight.”
Lyrics (c) Woz 2001!
Merry Christmas Everyone!
6. The Newbie Website Master
(Tune – Little Drummer Boy)
Build they told me, ta tap tap tap tap,
A new Web Site to see, ta tap tap tap tap,
My finest page I'll show, ta tap tap tap tap,
For all to see and know ta tap tap tap tap,
tap tap tap tap, tap tap tap tap,
Visitors now I need ta tap tap tap tap,
When will they come?
Gotta HomePage now co code code code code,
It's just an intro page co code code code code,
It leads to lots of content code code code code,
I hope its spidered next co code code code code,
code code code code, code code code code,
Would you like to see it? code code code code,
Come to my site.
Spiders got it now ra rank rank rank rank,
into the database ra rank rank rank rank,
Looking for links to me ra rank rank rank rank,
I wanna be the best I'll be rank rank rank,
rank rank rank rank, rank rank rank rank,
Engines now send me traffic rank rank rank rank,
Me and my Site.
Lyrics (c) Woz 2002!
[edited by: lawman at 1:13 pm (utc) on Dec. 22, 2002]
[edit reason] See TOS 10 Hohoho :) [/edit]
Watching for the dance
with my one site wonder show
praying in those SERPS
Ever higher I will go
Welcoming each bot
To my content oh so hot
Oh what fun it is to tweak
a ratings ride tonight
Oh google dance google dance
google me up high
grab my pages, algo me
through your index let me fly-y
google dance google dance
google me up high
Grab my pages ... al-go me
& through your index let meeee flyyyy
Merry Google Everybody
Oh, by the way, is it just coincidence that in both country music and the internet, that dominant forces can get by on simply the letter G
My life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
but I'd have had to miss.... the... dance
hehehe, who knew Garth was into SEO
