Super SEO Tips

These will get you banned...

[httpwebwitch]

There are rumours that search engines are beginning to penalize pages that employ bad writing style to cram gratuitous links into body text.

"Interested in this and this and this?"
"Click here for more information on this and this and this"
"Check out this and this and this"
"See this and this and this for ..."

or obvious madlibs template writing, like:

"ice cream lovers who like ice cream buy ice cream from ice cream sellers wherever ice cream is sold..."

The bots will start looking for those grammar patterns and will penalize, even ignore pages that use them.

My advice is to start turning all your text into images so you can't be penalized for it. Use all kinds of image formats: GIF, JPG, PNG, SWF, or make up your own! Rename everything on every page to avoid having them cached. (search engines HATE cached images!).

Every SEO expert is afraid of "doop content", whatever that is! Oh, those crazy nerds and their funny words. LOL! The solution for doop content is simple: make sure all your <table>s have a different number of columns. To make sure the search bot finds the text and doesn't get stuck in the whitespaces, fill all empty spaces on your page with "spacer gifs"

HOT TIP:
Using the phrase "mesothelioma" as the ALT text is like a secret password that will get you #1 rankings on Lycos.

(send me some money and I'll tell you more stuff I made up.)

Having a nice day...
httpwebwitch

[MidwestMerchant]

thanks for the info..great post!

[submitx]

A google guy showed an example of that in a conference one time, so I am pretty sure their algo is looking for that kind of spam. So yeah everybody turn all your text to GIF and there would be nothing to be spidered and you won't get penalized, but you won't be ranked either.

[prairie]

Converting all text to pictures can't be good. Search engines need spiderable text to work with.

Adding "mesothelioma" ad nauseum? -- how about just taking the time to do things properly in the beginning.

[Matt Probert]

ROTFL!

Love it!

Matt

[httpwebwitch]

HOT OFF THE PRESS

Here's another SEO Samurai tip leaked out this morning by top-ranking Search Engine techies.

If you want #1 ranking for a search word in Google, here's what you do:

1) Make a page with 200 words, where your term is used as every other word on the page (50% saturation), and all other words are "stop" words. For example:

pickle and pickle or pickle if pickle then pickle so pickle home pickle but pickle

2) Take that page and make exactly 100 copies of it. Make each word (e.g. "pickle") into a link to one of those 100. (100 words, 100 links, 100 pages)

3) submit that to Google.

That pattern (100, 100, 100) is a special "easter egg" that triggers a special hidden script at Google.

When the googlebot finds it, whatever domain it's hosted on will automatically get WHITElisted, and jump to #1 in the SERPs.

Following these instructions will get you guaranteed #1 ranking for "pickle".

Try it! it works!

I know it works, because I got #1 ranking for the word "gullible" this way.

[instinct]

I tried what you said and I'm now #1 for 'travel', 'sex' and 'pickles'.

I think I'm going to develop the pickle pages first, I heard there's some great money to be made in this industry.

Thanks for the tips!

[MeeshaMosaic]

It seems to be Spam technique. Are you sure it doesn’t cause penalty by Google.

[instinct]

It's a joke Meesha ;-)

[larryhatch]

Meesha may have a point.

Google up UFO. Just one 3-letter search word.

Look down to the 3rd page listed.

Look at the <Title> in the page source if you can display that.

Here is an excerpt:

" .. UFOs UFO News UFO Sightings UFOs UFO Pictures UFO Videos UFO Reports
Flying Saucers Ufos aliens alien abductions ufo sightings UFO Folklore ufo news ufo
sightings ufo reports xfiles roswell area 51 ufo sightings ufology ufo news ufo
conferences ufo symposiums mj12 majestic 12 Extraterrestrial visitations ufo pictures ufo
videos flying saucers ufos ufo pictures ufos aliens ufo research ufos aliens ET ET ET UFOs
UFOs UFOs NASA area 51 Disney unidentified flying objects astral projections paranormal
experiences abducted by aliens conspiracy flying saucers Disney Disney cydonia mars
cydonia mars mj12 mj12 extraterrestrials ufo pictures ufo pictures ufo pictures ufo
pictures martian martians conspiracies NASA NASA extraterrestrials martian martians
conspiracies extraterrestrials martian martians conspiracies ufo pictures unidentified
flying saucers nasa nasa nasa disney disney disney mj12 seti seti seti unidentified flying
saucers .."

Those arent the keywords or description mind you, but the TITLE. You can see the rest for yourselves.

That site used to be #1. Dropping to #3 or #4 isn't much of a penalty, and its been this way for years.

- Larry

[httpwebwitch]

The question is not why it has slipped from 1 to 3 - but why it ranked so well inthe first place!

The UFO site you mention is ranked highly because it has a PR6 and 128 (shown) backlinks. More backlinks than the #2 site.

The #1 site ranked for "UFO" has 4,190 backlinks, though all but one of them are from the same site.

But I believe the REAL reason the UFO site is ranked well is because they include the phrase "The End - Thankxz for Stopping By!" at the bottom of the page.

As all SEO experts know, politeness counts. Letting the Googlebot know that it has reached the end of the page is a courtesy that the bot appreciates and rewards with improved SERP ranking.

I would recommend that all of your pages have a similar phrase at the bottom: "The End", "Fin", "That's All Folks", or even "Stop scrolling now". It might not get your page to #1, but it will be sure to bump your page up a few spots.

[charlienichols]

I saw the last page of the internet once after going through all the pages that are on google... I had a new secret beta testing connection from Iridium satelite, that bounced broadband off of the moon, as it's so reflective.

I clicked on the last link and then the last page showed up... I won't tell you what it says, but maybe someday, if you are on the internet long enough, you'll see it yourself and be AMAZED!

;-) heh.
Charlie

[instinct]

I always leave milk and cookies out for the googlebot. Just like I used to leave for Santa. It seems to help - no lump of coal yet!

[Pradeep]

Hi Guys,
Why are you people killing your time in talking about all stuffs of spamming. If one tells it as technique. n number of people replys to that saying it works it wont work?
Lets be honest and Lets keep users in mind and not the Search Engines.
I promise your conversion will increase drastically if you create web pages for users not for Search Engines

Cheers!

Have a good thoughts

[geekay]

Thank you, witch, for these priceless hints! They've saved my day, and most certainly my web site ranking too. The best thread I've ever read here. For example, how could I forget that "Stop scrolling now" phrase at the bottom of my pages? I'll immediately go and rewrite all my site, that is - as soon as I stop ROFL.

[I_Brian]

That pattern (100, 100, 100) is a special "easter egg" that triggers a special hidden script at Google.

OMG! Not the secret code!

And don't forget that other easter egg - if you use the word "floccinaucinihilipilification" in your title, alt, header, and div tags, you instantly get a single signed share in Google. :)

[mbush27]

Great tips guys. One thing that I tried recently that took me from 101th to 1st was creating a "I love the googlebot" section of my website. There I post stories about how great I think it is. Heck, I even wrote a song about it.
Sucking up seems to help!

Matt

[httpwebwitch]

I can't vouch for this from personal experience, but a colleague had excellent SEO success by embedding a background sound of a cat purring contentedly.

Does the googlebot like cats?
Of course Dogpile does, but for different reasons...

[instinct]

I like to hide comments in my html with nasty remarks about slurp/yahoo. Thing like:

<!-- Slurp's mamma is so ugly that she gets mistaken for dogpile! -->

It also helps to stroke googlebots' ego a bit:

<!-- Googlebot does it deeper! -->

Then, when googlebot comes to my site it knows where my alliances are, and it rewards me promptly.

Now I rank #1. Woot!

[wellzy]

This reminds me of how I jumped to #1 for all my keywords.

1. Do a Google search for your keywords
2. When the results page comes up, copy the entire page (including the G logo and Adword ads) and paste it into your website.
3. Replace the top result with your own.
4. Remember to always put the disclaimer "These pages all stolen from Google" at the bottom of every page

Works like a charm. ;)

[waynne]

Wellzy - This has already been done a 1000 times over particularly in the travel industry but you forgot to say 'change all the links to redirects and insert an adsense box at the top of the page'! What's the point of stealing traffic with someonelses content and not making any money out of it? :)

[ezyid]

okey umm i have no idea.. whos telling the truth n whos lying?
im gona do what that ufo site has done lol

[wellzy]

Yeah, good idea. Swap out AdWords for AdSense. It's probably a good idea to e-mail the URL to Google and see if they like the design ;)

Tell them it is simple, clean and fast but you are sick of copying all their E-Bay affiliate results