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Help With Opening Statement

Related to Medical World (not-RX)

   
1:40 am on Jan 25, 2004 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member



I am having troble with something on one of my company sites. It's a health/pain-relief product site thats confusing me.

I have 2 versions of the home page, one seems to get a much better response than the other (clicking further through the site vs. leaving). The only problem is, the one that gets a better response isn't IMO copy-optimized. It's emphasis is on "features", not "benefits". The call to action is a little less grabbing, yet it outperforms the other. Maybe I need someone fresh copy-thinking to help me out.

Here is the lesser performing copy (edited:)
---------
Don't Live With (XYZ) Pain! -h3 tag
This product is providing AMAZING relief to people from around the world! The (WIDGETS) are quickly becoming the "Worlds #1 Solution" for (XYZ) Pain! Here's Why:

-5 bullets here putting FEATURES in bold not BENEFITS

While you are living PAIN FREE, your (WIDGETS) are hard at work FIGHTING the ACTUAL causes of the (XYZ) Pain! You will NOT find another product like this, "We Guarantee It!"
---------

Here is the better performing copy:
---------
Stop (XYZ) Pain Now -h3
This completely unique approach to (XYZ) pain is based on patented, clinically proven, (FEATURE) techniques and developments. These (WIDGETS) are providing astonishingly rapid relief to people from across the world. It works whether your pain is moderate, or so intense you simply cannot (DO THINGS).

-5 bullets here putting BENEFITS in bold not FEATURES

You have tried the cushion pads, splints, and painful doctor visits, but (WIDGETS) is the simple & powerful solution you need. No other product will provide this level of relief. Combine that with the best guarantee in the business, and your ready to join the thousands of pain-free (WIDGETS) users.
---------

When I run A/B testing the numbers are pretty convincing, but I know they can be better. With either page live, the site still manages to pull conversions nearly ever couple minutes, so it's a matter of maximizing potential.

Any professional advise is appreciated,
Thank You,
Jason

5:44 am on Jan 25, 2004 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member



Hey Jason

I'm not a copywriter, so I can offer only amateur help, but ...

The first thought that comes to mind is the old axiom about not fixing what ain't broke. In other words, it may be that the second example is your best option.

On the other hand, I am familiar with the issue you raise about benefits v. features. To experiment, I'd suggest combining the opening and closing paragraphs from the more successful pitch with the bulleted section focused on benefits. That stuff seems better to me. Fwiw, I don't see much of a call to action in the first example.

I'd also make the following suggested edits:

"... AMAZING relief to people ... around the world!"

"... the "World's #1 Solution" for (XYZ) Pain!"

"While you are living PAIN-FREE, ..."

"You will NOT find another product like this--We Guarantee It!"

"... astonishingly rapid relief to people around the world."

"... whether your pain is moderate or so intense ..."

"... and you're ready to join the thousands ..."

I don't mean to pester you with those suggestions. If you find them annoying and off-topic, I'd recommend taking two widgets. ;)

 

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