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The factor I've noticed is that really good copy often begins in a "we" place and moves to a "you" place. And it moves very artfully, at just the right moment.
It's a nearly magical transition when it's done well. Contrast it to copy that mechanically hammers away in "you" language from the beginning. That approach always feels uncomfortable to me - all hyped up, like someone you just met who wants to be your best friend and lover, and right away.
There's something in there about features and benefits as well. Features are all about "we" language. "We've created the first widget like this." And "you" language is more about benefits, which we've all heard are essential to close any sale.
"You" language is about waking up those mental pictures, those fantasies that get the reader to click the big yellow Buy button so they can really enjoy all the benfits.
So I've begun consciously paying attention to this transition in copy, from "we" to "you". I'll let you know what I discover.
If done badly, it can be nauseatingly bland and transparent and usually tends to drone on about what the company has done or offers without thinking of the reader.
Example:
We have worked hard to ensure that our vacation packages are the best you can find. Imagine yourself lounging ... blah, blah, blah.
If done well, the writer will put themselves in the readers' position and supply the info they want to know.
Example:
We know you work hard year 'round for your one or two weeks in the sun and we take our responsibility to you and your family vacation seriously. To this end, we ensure that the services offered will meet your expectations for a relaxing and carefree vacation in the sun.
Note: If trying to "evoke" images, it really is best to "use" images!
[edited by: Liane at 11:36 am (utc) on June 12, 2003]
...an old standby
Ah, so. Nothing new under the sun, I guess.
Nobody ever 'splained it to me before, and I felt like I noticed a trade secret. So what makes the transition feel contrived? When it happens too fast?
A contrived and badly written we/you conversion is generally the one which focuses on the sell stuff instead of the stuff which makes me or you want to buy. :)
Focusing too much on "we/our" instead of "you/your" will usually end in poor sales results.
People are generally much more educated these days and tend to want lots of product info which gives them the ammunition they need to justify a purchase in their own minds. Therefore, you need to evoke the answers to questions they should have but may not have come up with yet.
You do this by various means. One such way is as follows:
Our washer/dryer combination, while similar in size, appearance and price to others available boasts a few hidden features we are certain you will appreciate!
The lint trap has also been equiped with our "easy scoop" feature. It works similarly to your ice cream scoop, which quickly and cleanly removes all lint in a tidy ball letting you drop it directly into the trash bin.
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You put the reader in the user's place and hit on points which will make the user decide to buy your product over the competition. Humour often helps where you can take advantage of it without slamming the competition.
The we/our to you/your transition can happen as quickly as you like ... provided the reader identifies with the points being made and can appreciate the diffrence between your product and anyone elses. Going back and forth can work nicely too. Just be sure that you evoke those "oh yeahs" in the readers mind when you refer to them. If the buzzer on your dryer annoys you, the chances are it annoys your reader as well. Hit on all those little details which your reader will identify with and make them a big detail! :)
The factor I've noticed is that really good copy often begins in a "we" place and moves to a "you" place. And it moves very artfully, at just the right moment.
Isn't that contradictory to the AIDA formula?
Following ATTENTION I thought the idea was to make it personal straight away with "you"'s and "your"'s...?
Imagine yourself relaxing, without a care in the world, no money problems, a dream home, bla bla bla
I suppose it is what you are selling and to whom.
A service led industry may need to begin with we and us before shifting to you and yours.
...boasts a few hidden features we are certain you will appreciate!
or
The lint trap has also been equiped with our "easy scoop" feature. It works similarly to your ice cream scoop.
IMO, there is a fine line how to treat the "we" and "you".
In certain cultures for certain audiences (non-US for example), the above examples could be going a bit too far (who are you to decide what I appreciate? Mind your own business - type).
Too much "we/our" combined with you/your" is pulling the reader unasked into a ceratin "chummy" community - giving too much of a sales pitch impression.
Similar to saying "how are you today" to someone you have never met before.
However well meant, to some it carries a false intimate sensation, because of being a non-actual existing relationship.
Imagine your dream car in your favourite colour.
What if I showed you a picture of a Bentley in British Racing Green - and your dream car is a Hummer? .... and you hate green!
A picture paints a thousand words but our minds eye goes beyond that. :-)
If you are selling Bentleys, it is quite appropriate to show a Bentley in any colour. If they want to see it in their "favourite colour", supply a photo of each colour and let them browse through to find which colour they like best.
Come on, a big ticket item like that ... surely you can afford to take several photos?
I have a tendency to focus too much on the 'you' which, as mentioned, works like a hammer on the mind of the person I'm trying to convert to customer.
The transition, then, is what I need to focus on - great tips.
>>>Similar to saying "how are you today" to someone you have never met before.
Vitaplease, in the USA, I did retail as a kid for about 6 summers, selling 'widgets' to primarily women.
First, I started with, "How can I help you?" as my opening line. Never worked, unless they had the item in hand, and were ready to buy right then and there.
Second, I started with, "How are you today?" or something similar. People (in the states) are far more open to answering that, which in turn, gives you (the sales person) the opening for beginning a conversation which can lead to a sale.
From the sales I generated with the, "how are you today?" approach, I am 100% certain this is the right way (in face to face retail, anyway) over the 'how can I help' because there is no "buy now" pressure.
It is all in how you make that transition. I have seen some truly horrible copy where a writer tried to to this technique and failed miserably. The reader shouldn't really even be aware that there is that transition taking place, but it should flow from the "we" to the "you" so that the reader is suddently thinking about the product and how it would work for them. You are essentially putting the reader into the shoes of the "you" in your copy.
Vitaplease makes an excellent point about how using this technique excessively, particularly by going overboard on the "you", which can give the reader that false impression of chumminess. And even worse, you might turn off the customer completely.
Done well, "the proof is in the sales."
I feel you missed my point, it had nothing to do with selling a car.
The post related to the use of images, I said that often some images are dangerous in sales copy.
My example was not the use of pictures, but the use of the readers own imagination, letting them use a 'mental' paintbrush.
Let's say your website sold a lifestyle product, an investment deal or get rich quick scheme.
I was saying to say;
"imagine your dream car, in your favourite colour"
(no pictures)
The reader will, without doubt picture that dream car and colour.
Where the danger comes into it, is when you add a picture because you override the readers mindset and try to influence it by adding your own.
So you add a picture of a Bentley in British Racing Green... the reader's dream car is a Hummer and he/she hates green!
So, I wasn't selling big ticket cars ... just the concept of owning your dream car by using imagination as opposed pictures in this one instance - of course pictures work in many instances.
Hope that clears my post - BTW it is 6.45 am in the UK so forgive any ramblings :-))
