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You know you've been penalized in Google if

... just a little tickle for your funny bone.

     
11:36 pm on Nov 28, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You know you've been penalized in Google if:

- You ate steak for the last 3 months straight, and now have a cupboard full of top ramen.

- You can name 90 of the first 100 sites from the SERP for your keywords.

- You mistakingly said McDarnolds when you meant to say McDonalds.

- You only checked your AdSense stats once today.

- You recently updated your resume.

- Your ulcer came back.

- Your last week was a smudge in time, blurred together by excessive drinking... among other things.

- You started doing YOUR searching with Y! or MSN.

- Your new earnings goal is 1/10th of what it was 7 days prior.

- Your mother reminds you that if things get really bad, she'll always take you back in (no matter how old you are)

- Any time someone mentions rock icon Mick Jagger, you vomit... and you love rock music.

Feel free to add to the list... I just thought I would try to lighten the mood. Jagger has many of us on edge.

12:01 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You know who Matt Cutts is.
12:03 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You know the URL to Matt Cutt's personal blog by heart
12:36 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You cannot remember phone numbers of your close friends, and while trying to call a friend, type the IP numbers of google datacenters instead!
12:44 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You're thinking of changing the name of your website to "URL Only."
2:46 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You know at least 15 DC by heart

- Your wife knows who Matt cutts is

- you claim to whoever wants to listen that MSN is the future of search

- you've installed the Yahoo toolbar and keep on adding your own sites to your favorites, who knows it might help...

2:50 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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And your boss asks you at least once an hour, "Well, what's our position?"
2:51 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You ask your friends to use another searching engine.
- You visit WebmasterWorld 10 times a day.
3:42 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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-you know exactly who reseller and dayo are.
4:53 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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-you have learned what the term Hijacked by G- means

-you have learned what canonicalized web pages are and how to find out if your web site has that issue

-you decide not to pay for certain ads so as not to feed the hand that bit you

-check for orders and if there is one you fall over in a dead faint

-you keep checking the top sites for your keywords wondering what they have you don't

-you keep reading all the web master sites hoping someone will have a silver bullet

-you visit a keyword tracking program every day, wishing you could every hour, checking for little green numbers and not large red numbers (at least the numbers match the season)

5:02 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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> you know exactly who reseller and dayo are.

Voting for my favorite. :)

5:25 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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-You spend all your time researching Jagger when you are supposed to be doing other things.
7:32 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You glower at anybody who happens to wish you a great sunny day.
- You decide not to visit WebmasterWorld anymore.
7:33 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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Developing an unhealthy obsession with the stats package, and clicking "refresh" more than once every five minutes.
7:38 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You're sick of useless post like this on WW.
7:59 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You just get sick of the whole thing, and decide to get back to making websites.
8:13 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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-- You only checked your AdSense stats once today

My favorite. I remember this after a non-update a maybe a year ago. But Jagger made me happy.

8:50 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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> When your spouse, kids, parents, friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, the dude down the street and your favorite hooker know exactly who reseller and dayo are.

Dayo_UK

9:02 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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> you know exactly who reseller and dayo are.

Hey :)

- When MC and GG start ignoring your questions ;)

9:48 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You vow never to use Google again but somehow, you keep coming back to it to check your non-existent rankings.

You realize that you need 5x as many websites to diversify your risk.

You create a Yahoo optimization plan after throwing out your Google optimization plan.

Any new website you create will have a "googlebot noindex,nofollow" tag just for spite, or as part of your strategy.

You were sincerely disappointed when Google stock broke $420 - and can't understand what everyone sees in it.

You read John Battelle's book "The Search" and sardonically loved it when he pointed out Google's many shortcomings.

Cancelled your adsense account so you don't feed the hand that bites you. (Mentioned already, but worth repeating).

Vowed to fight on no matter the odds.

10:02 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- Now live in a box?

- Decide never to go online again?

- Take out all your savings to pay for gas of the new car you just bought last week.

10:41 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You hear the famuiliar sound of emails coming in for sales, but you are in your car at the time!

Bek.

10:43 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You start searching for google on your tv remote control
10:44 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You really start to wonder if the people running dmoz in their spare time work at google full time....
10:46 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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Trash your home computer in a rage, then join the local library and use their internet to check your position, just in case google has made a terrible mistake.
10:48 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You wonder what happened to that cute dog on lycos TV adverts.
10:57 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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Cancel your christmas holiday abroad and lose half your money, but it will still help to pay the bailiffs.
11:04 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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You vow never to use Google again but somehow, you keep coming back to it to check your non-existent rankings.
You realize that you need 5x as many websites to diversify your risk.

You create a Yahoo optimization plan after throwing out your Google optimization plan.

Any new website you create will have a "googlebot noindex,nofollow" tag just for spite, or as part of your strategy.

You were sincerely disappointed when Google stock broke $420 - and can't understand what everyone sees in it.

You read John Battelle's book "The Search" and sardonically loved it when he pointed out Google's many shortcomings.

Cancelled your adsense account so you don't feed the hand that bites you. (Mentioned already, but worth repeating).

Vowed to fight on no matter the odds.

Laugh! This completely and utterly describes my love/hate relationship with Google! :>~

Another reason:

When does my damn site get out of the sandbox?! 1000's tell you, there is no sandbox! Google constantly dodges the question and WALLA! You did not one thing, no SERP's update and WALLA! Your site is at #1 for all those allin's that you placed for FINALLY! Holy SANDBOX! I love you Google! I'm #1! Eat my sandbox competitors!

11:33 am on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- Not only will your pages not rise in the SERPS but you can't perform in bed anymore either
12:21 pm on Nov 29, 2005 (gmt 0)

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- You no longer even have the chance to perform in bed because you're always up late making Google sitemaps (and your partner just doesn't find that very exciting foreplay...)
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