Accidentally sent an insulting comment - hit reply instead of forward

[musicales]

<cringe>
<wince>

It was bound to happen sooner or later - the guy emailed me offering to do 'an interview' for one of our sites. We had mentioned him in a news piece, but his whole tone was such a total marketing spamster that I forwarded it to my colleagues with a rather insulting line attached. (I was going to write it here but realised as a marketer himself he no doubt reads this site!)

Only then of course, instead of forwarding it to my colleagues I go and hit reply and before I've finished even writing it my finger has wandered onto the return key and off it's gone back to him!

What should I do - keep quiet and do nothing, or send him an apology?

</wince>
</cringe>

[Marcia]

Please don't cringe or wince! In your place I would not apologize, though admittedly I'm straightforward to a fault, no doubt to the annoyance of some, and not too big on brown-nosing, kissing up or beating around the bush. The truth is far too sparse in the world of promotion and marketing spin.

If you feel inclined, you can write him explaining the mishap, at the same time telling him that you hope the error is helpful to him, since rather than buttering him up as his "friends" may do, the mishap resulted in him receiving an honest view of his marketing.

Relevant quote:

Your true friends will tell you when you walk out of the ladies room with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe.

Writing him might just be of help, as well as serve to ease your feelings of discomfort and provide closure, after which you can just forget it, put it behind you and move on.

[prairie]

If he is a "total marketing spamster" ... he's more than likely to do anything to rationalize the situation in his favour, at your expense.

I wouldn't do anything, except no longer forward such comments -- leave them to fleeting real life conversation. Much less potential for "viral" ramifications ;)

[Essex_boy]

I had a similar situ with a girl I knew at Uni anyway I found that she was getting married, I hadnt seen for 10 years so emailed her to say well done blah blah blah.

Never really liked this girl anyhow so I sent to a mate to mine a stinging email describing her soon to be husband in less than flattering terms, although I hadnt met him.

He thought it so funny that he sent it to the girl concerned. We havent spoken since, dunno why....

[Marcia]

>>If he is a "total marketing spamster" ...

It is still, after all this time, so very hard for me to accept and comprehend - for the reality of it to really sink in as reality - that total evil actually exists. But it in fact, does really - and it's a very difficult pill to swallow and very hard to cope with.

[musicales]

Well Marcia, I've followed your advice, sending him a deepest apologies, with a little mention of the 'blunt but honest'-ness of what he received. I nearly started explaining why I felt it was spam, but then realised I was digging myself further into a hole, so I kept it short.

Thanks for the suggestion.

No response as yet. Hopefully he's not one of the 'evil ones'!

[Marcia]

musicales, in your place I wouldn't even expect a response, but that isn't the purpose or the point. Responding gave an opportunity for *closure* on your part, and once that's done the sensible thing is to release it, and put it behind and out of mind.

Some things just don't warrant occupying space in our heads indefinitely, if only for the sake of serenity:

G-d, help me to accept the things I can't change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I don't think there's any wisdom that can help us more. There is so much on the internet that's less than acceptable by "normal" standards; but knowing the limits of what can and can't be changed can go a long way toward helping us avoid unnecessary, prolonged aggravation, which more often than not is a waste of our time that's far better spent doing more productive things.

[Sanenet]

The alternative being, of course, harikiri. ;) Just be grateful the guy wasn't a client!

[Rosalind]

The guy probably gets this all the time, and not just as accidental forwards. If he doesn't, perhaps your scathing remarks will encourage him to be less spammy. Either way you do nobody a disservice by telling the truth, so don't lose any sleep over it.

[musicales]

So the outcome- he replied, offering, believe it or not, his appologies for sending such a spamy email - RESULT! I kind of know he's just being nice because he still wants us to do the interview, but still, much nicer than receiving a summons or something!

[vkaryl]

That's a great outcome, musicales. Really, because you feel better, and because he's (even if just doing it for some effect) NOT being nasty about it - and having him being nasty about it could have rebounded on you to some extent.

Isn't it amazing how easy email makes it for us to do ourselves in sometimes? Kind of like posting here before thinking....

[vibgyor79]

If you are using MS Outlook, you can recall an email message.

Next time you do such boo boos, go to your sent items immediately and double click on the message. Now go to ACTIONS -> Recall This Message.

I have never used this feature before so I'm not sure what exactly happens. But I heard that this won't work if the other party has already downloaded the message from their email server.

Also, a notification goes to the recipient saying the email sent by you has been recalled. So you still owe the recipient an explanation ;)

[jsavvy293]

--If you are using MS Outlook, you can recall an email message.

I have used this feature before, and it never really works. most of teh time people can still read what you say.

[caspita]

If you are using MS Outlook, you can recall an email message

It works only when the email accounts are in the same server(s) .. like corporate email .. and only if the email hasn't been read. When you send it thru the internet .. it is gone .. is not yours anymore, so you can not avoid the message reaching its target ... at least that you are fast enough to get there first and unplug the last yard of cable ;-)

[otnot]

This reminds me of a time before emails. That this salmon broker friend of mine accidently sent a fax to a very large Japanese firm that we were dealing with. His name was Tajima-san but behind his back we called him uncle Taj. He was a real bulldog and much older than us at the time. I guess the point being is that, we never even apologized or acknowledged that it had happened. But years later and after many successful business transactions and many drinks he very seriously asked what we meant our comment. Our reply was that it was a compliment. And that we felt so close to him that he was part of our family. LOL. He is still a friend to this day.

[vkaryl]

otnot, that's a good thing....

I sometimes think email is a really easy way to trash a good relationship, because it's so simple to do the WRONG THING....

[cabowabo]

I had something similar happen to me. I sent an email to the executive team about an employee on my team and how they were not working out and basically detailing their shortcomings. Without thinking (I had been up late working on a project), I CC'd the employee. He ended up resigning over it. I felt bad he saw the email, but I stand behind my reasons.

You struggle with this as this individual saw your thoughts, but they are your true thoughts. Apologize for missending the email to him but reiterate your thoughts and ask that he not contact you anymore.

Cheers,

CaboWabo