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1. Are you overwhelmed by sudden feelings of terror striking without warning?
2. Are you unable to predict when an attack will occur?
3. Have you developed intense anxiety between each attack?
When you experience these attacks:
4. Does your heart pound?
5. Do you become sweaty, weak, faint, or dizzy?
6. Do your extremities tingle or go numb?
7. Do you vacilate between shuddering shivers and hot flashes?
8. Do you feel nausea?
9. Do you have a sense of unreality and/or a fear of impending doom?
Control Question:
10. Are you going through menopause?
If you answered no to the last (control) question but yes to any of the others you are likely suffering from "Google Update Panic Disorder" and/or "SERPs Affective Disorder".
The good news is that neither is terminal. The bad news is that both are chronic with no known cure. I am sorry.
I strongly urge immediate medical attention from the nearest public house. Frequently. See you there.
