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We should lower the bar so they can catch up, say - rewrite Perl, with all GUI interface, and make sure that there is only two options.
"Run program" "Do not run program".
Then we can launch a new certification plan, whereby we can name them Grand Master Perl Programmers of High School Age. GMPPOHSA. Advanced certification could be reached if they are able to turn on the monitor, i.e. AGMPPOHSA. Note that to administer the tests we will require a new branch of government funded by the implementation of "fat tax". Oh, you didn't hear? The new tax is a surcharge on all food items with any fat content, and is exponentially increases with the grams of fat within the food eaten. Note that the IRS has already implemented a new compter system to manage the collection. They haven't figured it out how to get it to talk to the other 16 systems, but paper works well. I just ate a HoHo...I wonder how it works if you are unemployed...
(Can you weave more politicking into a shorter story? <grin> :D)
There's not a crazy maniac running lose with the language, just a nice Japanese Mormon who goes by 'matz' (I had him in my house once.)