The Ultimate Online Offer

no home should be without one

[austtr]

With my Nigerian riches safety tucked away in the bank, supplies of printer cartridges for the next 15 generations, enough Viagra from my friendly online chemist to cater for any possibility and about 150 approaches from young ladies wanting to kiss me.... (hence the Viagra)life was looking pretty good.

Then this morning came an email offer that made me realise my life is actually missing one very important ingredient...

..... a stun gun and pepper spray!

Sort of puts a whole new slant on preparing for the Google update... come to think of it, it may have more relevance after I see the results!

[mivox]

What! You haven't refinanced your mortgage and consolidated your debt yet? Good heavens man, what are you thinking?

[Shak]

personally I have started by:

removing hairs on my chest (without any pain),

enhancing my breasts,

curing my impotence.

fascinating stuff this internet :)

Shak

(mivox, dont even think about it)

[victor]

I'm too busy losing weight while illegally copying DVDs to get a stun gun.

[Shak]

I forgot, that aprt from my health.

I am also too busy submitting to 16,000 search engines, and sending 3 million emails to buy a stun gun, although at this rate, I may need one.

Shak

[edit_g]

austtr - I got that one this morning. Big red background, stun gun and pepper spray in one. We must be on the same list! ;)

[sem4u]

Looks like I'm sending 4.5 million e-mails while checking out the latest 'hot' stock tips and claiming money that is rightfully mine. :)

[Nick_W]

Not got a septic tank?

In duller moments I'm always greatfull to that odd chap who thinks my name is FRANK and keeps sending me excellent ad*lt sites by mistake ;)

Nick

[Paul in South Africa]

To busy to buy anything. Spending all my time deleting emails that are bouncing back because some spammer has used a fake return address and everything is ending up in the catchall for my domain.

[volatilegx]

Wow, how can any of you have time for the Internet when you're watching stolen cable using your digital cable descramblers?

[edit_g]

Wow! You can do that!? Can you send me an email about it? ;)

[OntheEdge]

Not me, I'm busy doing important things ....like downloading free programs so I can convert my 56k dialup to broadband, and checking my mail for that $10,000 cheque i was supposed to get for handing over my life history and complete financials to www.i_have_a_bridge_to_sell_you.con ;)

[Paul in South Africa]

I got a new one in amgonst the boucnes. I have now got $230m from Nigeria for the 5th time. How is is that I only have $10 in my bank account. Reasons that my Bank Manager will accept by stickymail please. :-)

[Marketing Guy]

Fortunately I can use one of my several hundred credit cards to buy all this essential equipment (oh and help out Nigerian dignataries...).

[SlyGuy]

Apparently, a bunch of lonely housewives want me to know what they are doing when their husbands are away at work.

I figure it can't be very interesting, though, vacuming..washing..cleaning..

[Paul in South Africa]

WIFE

Washing, Ironing, F*******, Etc

Hope my girlfriend doesn't see this otherwise I will be in trouble.

[deejay]

I don't know about the ultimate offer, but I may have received the scummiest offer the other day.

Potassium Iodide - protect your family in the event of a nuclear attack.

Apparently this stuff prevents thyroid cancer caused by exposuure to nuclear radiation.

Advertising complete with WTC and Bin Laden photos to emphasise just how soon you'll need this stuff.

*blech*

[CuriousWeb]

a quick check and sample from my hotmail account:

viagra
weight loss
financial freedom
breast enhancement
**** enlargement
re-mortgage
coral calcium
Stretch Mark Cream (?)

and finally my favourite:

Wake up tomorrow feeling like a million bucks with ...
EXTREME COLON CLEANSER

[sem4u]

In my Hotmail today:

Jewelry sale
Hand-held sewing machine!
Get a wife

No thanks! lol

[brakthepoet]

OK, everyone has to stop being so funny. It's hard to convince my boss that Webmasterworld is work-related when I'm laughing out loud.

Enjoying yourself on the job is like stealing from the company!

[dvduval]

Well, now that I'm about to start making $10,000 a month working from home, I think I can afford to play that online casino with the rest of my savings account. With all that time at home, I guess I'll earn my college diploma over the internet.

[Quinn]

In order to retire from work for the rest of my life...

I just emailed this post to 10 of my closest friends

[OntheEdge]

They don't come any dumber...
I got an chain letter, the one about MS a The big A handing out checks for forwarding email, from a relative.
Sick and tired of them, i email ms, then forwarded their form reply "we do not participate in such illegal scams" to the offender...result....they just keep on coming.
What part of "it's a scam and illegal" don't they get! grrr
Too bad I've blocked her hate to lose touch with family for such stupid reasons.