A drunk in a bar stumbles out of the bathroom with blood all over the front of his pants.
The bartender, seeing this, yells "What the hell happened?"
The drunk says "I was using the bathroom, it got caught in my zipper, and I accidentally cut it off trying to get the zipper free"
The bartender says "Quick, where is it? I'll call 911 and send you to the hospital"
The drunk says "I put it here here in my pocket" reaches in his pants pocket and pulls out a cigar. "No, my other pocket" reached in other pants pocket and pulls out another cigar, "No, my shirt pocket" reaches in and pulls out yet another cigar.
Suddenly the drunk screams "OH MY GOD! I SMOKED IT!"