It's time to play Screw The Boss!

[wheel]

In response to the agony of a webmaster in this thread:
[webmasterworld.com...]
Let's play screw the boss! List all the fun ways you can screw with an old boss as you're headed out the door.

- Quit while the boss is actually on vacation - and make sure they know about it. Monday's always a good day for that. Let them either decide to have a crappy vacation, or come home to look after business.

- Drop a well disguised link on the homepage. It's your link, it's up to you to be creative as to where it points to. Bonus points if you can find some good anchor text, like part of a word.

- For security reasons, you should change all passwords.

- Report them to spamhaus and Google, and wherever else you can think of. Doesn't matter if they've done anything wrong.

- pack the red stapler and take it with you. (for those of you that catch that reference, I actually have a red stapler, and it does jam up less often)



-

[incrediBILL]

Don't forget the most fun of all - a postal change of address form!

Send all company correspondence to Brazil.

[Matthew1980]

Don't forget the most fun of all - a postal change of address form!

Send all company correspondence to Brazil.

Ha ha, that's funny.

- For security reasons, you should change all passwords.

I'm pleased I have a great boss, I don't need to do anything like that, I just pay for a round now and then, and I rarely get bothered; it's great to be in engineering; people leave you alone because your always busy making things idiot proof - then they make a better idiot ;-p

Cheers,
MRb

[LifeinAsia]

Quit while the boss is actually on vacation - and make sure they know about it. Monday's always a good day for that. Let them either decide to have a crappy vacation, or come home to look after business.

Actually, I once turned in my 2-week notice as I was leaving for a week's vacation where I would be unavailable by phone (and this was before e-mail, so didn't have to worry about that pesky channel either). One of the most relaxing vacations I'd ever had! :)

Time the notification for right when they're starting to settle into the vacation- maybe a few hours after arrival at the destination? Or, send a text message just before the plane's departure. (If the boss is always online, bonus points for sending it to his phone in a text message 1 minute before he has to turn off the phone for take-off.)

Seriously though, I know these things may be posted in jest, but as fun as it may sound, always avoid anything malicious or criminal (but annoying is fine). If the boss is that big of a jerk, expect retaliation (whether from the police or a lawyer). If you continue to work in the same industry, assume that anything you do will eventually find its way to the ears of any and all potential employers (now and future).

[wheel]

The only boss I have is my wife.

Every time I see her, I get a raise.

Ba-da BOOM!

[wyweb]

LOL.. this is good...

[trillianjedi]

I hope you're referring to bad bosses only, and not the good ones.

As a good one, I hope I'm never subject to whatever comes of this thread. But if ever I am I know who to blame, wheel ;)

I'm putting my red stapler in the safe, just in case.

[jecasc]

@wheel
I am my own boss unfortunately, so I have to give myself raises.
Ba-da BOOM!

[wyweb]

Okay, I had a boss one time and I couldn't stand him. We were hanging drywall. Nothing was ever good enough for him though. He'd yell and stomp around. Criticize your work, even when it was perfect. The dude got on my nerves. I quit 3 times, but I went back 3 times as well because he paid good. And he took me back 3 times because he knew I knew what I was doing. He fired me 3 times too, and hired me back within days. He knew I'd just go fishing and he needed hands. Texas drywall in the early 80's. It was wide open baby....

Cut to the chase...

He had a can of coke in his hand at all times. He didn't even put his tools on. He just walked around and directed traffic. OSHA came by one time and he had to go out and talk to them. He left his coke sitting on a little pony wall. I had to pee. You can imagine the rest.

He came back in the house, grabbed his coke and started chugging. Then he holds the can away from his face and looks at it. He's thinking it's just an old one or something. Two of the helpers on the crew already knew what I'd done but I'd told them to keep their mouths shut or I'd kick their ass. I'm trying not to laugh because I don't want to get busted either.

I don't think I'd do that again today. I don't know. I might. I'm self employed and I've got a better boss these days.

It was a Kodak moment though.

[wyweb]

@trillianjedi

red stapler

LOL

I caught that one. I've got fair hands sometimes....

[ken_b]

I didn't even know that WW had a fifth grade!

[incrediBILL]

I didn't even know that WW had a fifth grade!

The question is, are you smarter than a fifth grader?

If not, your mail may end up in Brazil. :)

[wyweb]

@ken_b

I didn't even know that WW had a fifth grade

It's Jeff Foxworthy. He's a nut.

Hell, I wish some of my mail would wind up in Brazil. Especially the ones I have to sign for.

[spadilla]

Burn the place down and walk away, red stapler in hand, while laughing evily under your breath.

(I kid I swear - I kid) :p

[wyweb]

@spadilla

Red stapler again.

You caught it too. That was a good show. I've watched it several times, which is probably why I caught the reference.

Just piss in their coke. It worked for me.

And now I'm laughing again. That's a good thing though...

[wyweb]

Here's another one...

Another drywall story..

I was subbing work. Sub contracting. Had my own crew. Just 3 guys but it's Friday and they need to get paid.

The general contractor owed me about 2,500 dollars and I owe my guys quite a bit of it. We're working in Little Elm on a custom home and his bank is in Dallas. It's a fair drive. A good 40 or 50 miles.

He wrote me a check. We've got to go to his bank though. I don't have enough in my own account to cover this. That means driving to Dallas because there isn't a branch closer.

We'd quit early on Fridays but they've still put in a day. They're tired and they're hungry and they want a beer too. And they're broke. We load up and everybody follows me to the bank.

In construction, sometimes meeting payroll means paying your crew off in the banks parking lot.

We get to the bank and it's insufficient funds. I asked the teller to check it twice. Same difference. The guy wrote me a bogus check. Now I've got 3 journeymen sheetrockers sitting in the parking lot expecting me to hand them 100 dollar bills. They're already pissed that they had to drive to Dallas. I explain what's going on but they're still pissed. I am to.

We go back to the job site and I tear his check up right in front of him. He's swearing it's a good check though. Then I get in his truck. You always leave your keys in your truck when your on site, in case somebody needs to move it, as in clearing a path to get material in. His keys were in his truck too. And it was a beautiful truck. A big Ford dually. Brand spanking new.

He's freaking out. What am I doing? Well, I'm taking your truck home mister. It's collateral. He's saying go back to the bank and I'm saying not on your life. We just did that.

He says give me a half hour.

Meanwhile one of my guys had got in with me and brought a couple beers with him. I've got the guys radio on and his A/C blasting and we're sitting there. I'm actually wanting to take this thing around the block just to see how she drives. It's a sweet truck.

In no time one of his flunkies shows up with 2500 in cash. And I let him have his truck back.

We never worked for him again though. I have little tolerance for liars.

Sorry this is so long. I couldn't figure a shorter way to say it though...

[wyweb]

Here's one more and it's short...

Got a builder that's screwed you over? As in a general contractor that screwed you as a sub contractor?

Find a dead skunk and throw up in the vent. Push it way back. Home owner will eventually fire the heat up and that's when things start to happen.

It'll come back on the builder. He'll have to spend money. Hell it's pretty much impossible to find out where the smell's even coming from.

I was a bad boy back in the day....

[rocknbil]

Things have a way of coming back on you . . so I'd never actually do any of these. :-) But . . . .

I store all my site passwords on a USB stick in KeePass, user names and passwords are all encrypted. Hundreds of sites, FTP, admin logins, hosting data . . . of course I keep a backup on DVD. But in the interest of security, they don't exist anywhere else, not in emails, plain text, Excel, nowhere.

On leave, I'd give them the stick. Here's the logins to all your customers . . . it's been a pleasure.

You can't get into KeePass without a master password. Which only lives in my head. So, is that $10K severance package sounding better?

[Old_Honky]

I find revenge is never sweet you always feel that you have diminished yourself somewhat.

Several years ago when I was forced out of a company I had started after some policy disagreements with the new owners; in the heat of the moment I told the group MD (an elderly Irish aristocrat and a complete @rse) that I would be watching the obituary columns and when I knew that he was dead and buried I would come over and urinate on his grave. Obviously after several pints of the black stuff.

He died about three years ago and for one fleeting moment I thought about it. I don't think I'll ever carry out the threat it was pointless "spur of the moment" stuff, and life's too short to waste it worrying about people like that.

My advice - think about what you would like to do to the guy then forget it.

[wheel]

No, I don't burn any bridges when I've left employers. It's turned out to be a very profitable policy, later having done business with some of them.

[incrediBILL]

I find revenge is never sweet you always feel that you have diminished yourself somewhat

Sometimes it's so sweet you almost get diabetes.

I was applying for 2 jobs many years ago and my favorite, which seemed I was a shoe-in, suddenly had a change of heart that although I had better on the job skills and experience, the team decided to give it to the other candidate with a degree and less experience.

I was floored.

Sacrifice the quality of the work over a degree?

Fine. I took job #2 which turned out to be a brilliant move, a career builder. Company took off like a rocket, I moved up in management quickly, while the other company that passed on hiring me ended up closing 6 months later!

No, that wasn't the revenge, it was yet to come.

The team that decided to pass over me for the guy with the degree started a consulting firm and when the word was out I had openings for consultants on my team, well you guessed it, they actually had the nerve to call ME and ask for a job!

Bwahahahaha...

HIM: "Hi Bill, you remember me? We interviewed you and liked you a lot, almost hired you for a job about a year ago. yada yada story of company closing yada yada new consulting group yada yada ... would you be interested in hiring our team of consultants?"

ME: "I'm sorry, but when I needed you, you didn't want me, and now when you need me, I don't want you either. Have a nice life." >CLICK!<

Kicked back, spun the chair around a few times, Ahhhh, felt good, circle of life stuff :)

[wyweb]

I find revenge is never sweet you always feel that you have diminished yourself somewhat

I don't feel that at all.

You're obviously more enlightened than I am.

[LifeinAsia]

I find revenge is never sweet you always feel that you have diminished yourself somewhat

Then you're doing it wrong. Cheap revenge often just transfers the karma disruption to you.

The best revenge feels good, even cathartic, and leaves karma on your side.

[wyweb]

@Bill

I find revenge is never sweet you always feel that you have diminished yourself somewhat

Sometimes it's so sweet you almost get diabetes.

ROF...

Yeah, there's nothing wrong with a little payback.

You crack me up mister....

[jecasc]

I'd better block this website in my office before one of my employees reads this...

The coffee tasted kind of funny today...

[incrediBILL]

Story my dad used to tell from his work or more modernly "#*$! my dad said"

---

My dad used to work in a meat processing plant aka slaughterhouse in the 50s.

Supposedly people chipped in to pay for the pot of coffee except one guy that was always freeloading. One day they made a 'special pot' just for him, which included a heaping helping of goat pellets. If you don't know, goat excrement looks like little round pellets.

After the freeloader had guzzled a few cups they asked if he noticed anything different and he said it was a "bit sweeter" than usual, laughing, they dumped out the pot and showed him the difference.

As my dad told it, the guy started violently spewing all over the place when he saw those goat pellets and never freeloaded the coffee again.

Not exactly a "screw the boss" story, but it could've been ;)

[topr8]

>>Sometimes it's so sweet you almost get diabetes.

that's amusing!

then again i've heard it said that ...

if you plot revenge you'd better dig two graves!

[iamlost]

Slightly different...

Had been with a firm for years, doing everything but signing the cheques, suddenly told that I was being laid off in 6-weeks.

Those 6-weeks were fascinating. The owners kept watching me like a hawk obviously expecting me to slack off or misbehave or something. They took less time away in those 6-weeks than the previous 6-months, they were so busy watching me.

I behaved exactly as I ever had. In early, stayed until day's work was done, didn't even mention to anyone outside company that I would be leaving. I did have all sorts of fantasies of how I could 'stick it to them' but couldn't bring myself to do anything but my job as best I could.

The weekend after I left I met a friend of the owners who kept looking at me strangely. Asked him what the problem was and he told me that my ex-employers were going around telling everyone how strange I was: that they had canned me and I hadn't gotten upset or reacted at all as they had expected.

Several years later met him again. He said they still brought up my 'strange' behaviour. Apparently my (in)action bothered them far longer than their action bothered me.

[lawman]

I was a partner in a law firm several years ago. Somehow it fell upon me to fire an employee. I couldn't bring myself to fire her on the spot so I gave her two weeks notice. After she left we discovered she began making long distance calls to her boyfriend on some Carribbean Island. The bill was a few hundred dollars. I learned if you're going to fire someone, do it on the spot and have them escorted out.

[LifeinAsia]

Apparently my (in)action bothered them far longer than their action bothered me.

A great example of revenge done the right way. :)