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Tuesday will be a big day at the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), far and away the most powerful particle-punisher ever assembled by the human race. For the first time ever, boffins operating the colossal machine will cross the streams produced in its twin mighty hadron cannons, colliding particles at never-before-seen 7 Tera-electron-Volts (TeV) energies.
The Doctor contends that the LHC may trigger a "magnetic trap of devil" event, destroying the Earth or anyway some part of it in a "collaptic explosion". Evidently his previously announced plans to extirpate CERN head Rolf Heuer "and all his bigbangers" using a nuclear weapon borrowed from Osama bin Laden have run into trouble, because he has now issued a final doomsday prophecy before the Big Collision tomorrow, at the LHC Portal forum.
1. Explosion of the whole Earth – 49%. 2. Extermination of Geneva – 1%. 3. Extermination of Europe – 1%. 4. Other harmful unpredictable consequences – 5%. 5. Discovery of new subnuclear energy sources – 5%. 6. Outcomes with no harm and no use – the rest.
At the point 1 we all will die. At the points 2, 3, 4 a part of humanity will be killed. Destruction of a part of the Earth will be followed by huge Earthquake all over the Earth. To raise the probability of survival it is necessary to be at the free air with the stalk of water, food and warm clothes.
Luckily some of us still have our time machines.
But wait, I'll just kill myself. Then there won't be a future self to come back and steal my time machine!I never understand these time paradoxes. For instance all the other Time Lords were destroyed in the Time Wars,but how come the Doctor is the last one? They are Time Lords for god's sake so why aren't they all still around travelling from a time when they weren't destroyed?
But wait, I'll just kill myself. Then there won't be a future self to come back and steal my time machine!
Your future self was just you from a parallel universe.Drat- killed myself for nuthin'!
