Web Borne Disease

Is it Fatal?

[King_Fisher]

Is anyone else afflicted by this web borne, debilitating disease?

The symptoms are profound procrastination, deadning inertia interperse by
brief periods of action and creativity.

I am desperate for a cure and will pay any amount of money (up to $10.00)
for the remedy!...KF

[vincevincevince]

It could be Klienrock Syndrome. The most recent research I've seen suggests that it is contracted following a certain spider bite (Latrodectus Quaero).

There's one symptom which most patients report which you've missed out from your list. Can I ask whether you feel more energetic and able to work very late at night than at any other time during the day?

Part of Klienrock Syndrome's symptoms may be explained by seratonin disturbance. Where a healthy person experiences a range of light intensities throughout the day, being brightest towards noon, a sufferer typically becomes transfixed upon a panel of bright white light throughout the day. This disrupts the usual seratonin cycle and means that tiredness and mental acuity become out-of-phase; essentially peak mental performance (normally mid-morning until late afternoon) comes much later in the day (often late-afternoon to late evening) and mental facilities are essentially 'asleep' throughout the morning.

As with all disorders which affect sleep and rest, mood swings are frequently reported amongst sufferers. Isolation of the course of these mood-swings is almost always complicated by an excessive intake of strongly caffeinated beverages both during the day and at night.

There are a wide range of treatments which your primary care provider may wish to undertake. The response to treatment varies greatly between patients, suggesting possible multiplicity of underlying pathology, and so it is important to try a few types.

Treatment options you are likely to encounter:

Bright-light therapy: very bright white-spectrum lighting is turned on as soon as the subject wakes up each morning and remains on until midday. Light intensity of television and computer screens as well as ambient lighting must be reduced during the evening.

Caffeine and nicotine reduction: putting the patient on a diet free of caffeine and other dietary stimulants and banning all use of tobacco for a period of at least a month has shown promising results in most patients.

Diet: a diet high in fish, fresh fruit, vegetables and wholemeal grains with an emphasis on reducing fat and sugar content is likely to ease the symptoms if not remove them in some patients.

R&R: a period of rest and recuperation is essential for complete treatment. This should involve at least a week during which the patient must avoid all contact with electronic devices of all kinds. Camping, hiking and fishing holidays are ideal.

King_Fisher; I hope this helps! (cut out and keep)

R_X :: VinceVinceVince, Kuala Lumpur

Patient:

King Fisher (HRH)

Age:

Unknown

Date:

14 SEPT 2008

Hereby prescribed:

One week undisturbed holiday somewhere far from the internet

Lots of fish, fruit and veg

No smoking. Anything.

No more mountain dew, coffee or tea

Bright light to be turned on in morning

Please present to boss / wife or self.

[rocknbil]

I am desperate for a cure.

You could try transferring all your bank funds into my account. That would do it. Don't worry, I'll just hold it for you until the symptoms go away. :-)

[King_Fisher]

Dr.VinceVV.

I am much appreciative of your thourgh diagnostic analization of my present
medical condition.

Yes I did leave out the overiding symtom of late night web activity but was
embarrased as much of it is devoted to Gameitius (as I understand it an
separate malaise unto itself)

I will put your recomendations into practice at once and take two asprins and
report back to you in a month.

I am grateful that your prescription did not inculde avoidance of female companionship.

I am curious to know where you studied to obtain your medical degree?

My present Doctor studied at the Sears School of Advance Medical Pratice and
Household Hardware Applications.

Thank you for taking the risk of posting your reply as I am sure giving medical advice is similar to posting legal advice and againts WW rules...KF

RB, I am unable to transfer funds to you at the present due to the fact
that I am waiting an imminent arrival of funds from Nigeria involving a rather large sum of money from an estate of an unknown uncle who died in a recent plane crash in Ethiopia...KF

[g1smd]

Hmm. Never heard it. Look, I am deep into some coding right now; it's after midnight, and it should only take another couple of hours. OK?