Are You A Redneck?

How we can tell!

[King_Fisher]

Watching Jeff Foxworthy on TV last night in a comedy routine called " How to tell if you are a Redneck "
For all you people who are not aware of him or his comedy a brief explanation is called for,a Redneck is an updated version of what use to be called a Hillbilly or a Cracker.

So I thought would be neat if people posted their version of Redneck humor.

Keep it clean and funny. No jokes on nationalities, religous or ethnic groups, race etc, etc.

OK I'll go first.

" How can you tell if you might be a Redneck?"

" If you met your wife at a family reunion!"

You probably are a Redneck!

Who's next?

[edited by: lawman at 11:15 am (utc) on April 20, 2007]

[percentages]

>How can you tell if you might be a Redneck?

The neighbors ask to borrow a gallon of beer!

%%%%.....who knows all 8 of his neighbors are Redneck's and loves all of them for it!

[Essex_boy]

A bit like Essex_girl jokes, whom I can gurantee do not exist in the said format.

[rocknbil]

"If you can count the number of cars jacked up in your front yard."

"Your idea of foreplay is 'get in the truck b-'."

"Your idea of a family reunion is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

I can dish 'em out as well as I can take 'em, but something few people consider in this arena . . .

<in defense of rednecks>
The problem I have with "redneck" is that true rednecks got their red neck from busting their tails in the sun all day long to feed a country that doesn't give a crap whether their farm turns to dust or their families starve. Did you know that if the U.S. government needs the water that is being supplied to a commercial farm they can just take it? All of it?

Most on this board would go ballistic at the mention of certain words or other slander to portions of our population that can be identified by physical appearance or cultural mannerisms. But it's always open season on rednecks. hmmm . . .
</in defense of rednecks>

Please do not think for a moment I am offended by redneck jokes, but these are the people that feed you, and their forefathers are the ones that built this country. Their plight is seldom voiced.

-- redneck hippie

[edited by: lawman at 6:45 pm (utc) on April 21, 2007]

[rocker]

rocknbil, Did you ever hear the Lynyrd Skynyrd song "Red White and Blue"? They also give a tribute to rednecks.

Lyrics:

My hair is white, my neck is red and my collar blue...

Here's the YouTube video
[youtube.com...]

[King_Fisher]

Rocknbill and Rocker, Two good posts. As my back ground is
Redneck also. (Raised on a 400 acre hard scrabble farm in
East Texas} I appreciate your comments. However the term
Redneck does not only apply to farmers. It also does for
sawmill workers, gas station attendants, factory workers,
oil field workers and truck drivers etc,etc. It is more of an attitude and social/economic thing than an occupational
thing.

[oneguy]

In my experience, it was always rednecks that thought Jeff Foxworthy was funny. Then again, maybe I think that because I've known a bunch of rednecks. Most of 'em weren't farmers, although some bought certain algricultural goods now and then. FWIW, I only self-identify as a redneck when it suits me or somehow becomes undeniable.

[Lilliabeth]

Ever knocked on a stranger's door and asked if this is the bootlegger's house?

(It wasn't, but he pointed at the correct house for Sunday whiskey-buying.)

My favorite of Jeff Foxworthy's is you might be a redneck if you have ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

[lawman]

A local radio station used to advertise that their listeners had a higher tooth-count per head.

Only in South Georgia, I suppose. :)

[oldpro]

However the term
Redneck does not only apply to farmers. It also does for
sawmill workers, gas station attendants, factory workers,
oil field workers and truck drivers etc,etc. It is more of an attitude and social/economic thing than an occupational
thing.

Lawman,

Being from the same neck of the woods as you, I have always heard the term redneck originated many years ago when fair skinned northerners moved south. That they were called that because necks were prone to sunburn.

[BeeDeeDubbleU]

We have the same thing over here in Scotland in certain areas that will remain nameless to protect the innocent. (Last time I mentioned anything like this in here someone did not see the joke).

Little girl watching mother doing the washing up, "Mummy, how come your hands are so soft?".

Mother, "Because I'm only thirteen."

Q. How can you tell when ******* are getting married?
A. The bride wears a white shell suit.

[Essex_boy]

Mother, "Because I'm only thirteen." - Sounds like the C*ap hole I live in presently.

Highest proportion of underage mothers and premature deaths in the County. For a town of 35000 thats some doing.

And no its not in Essex but just inside the Suffolk border.

[edited by: Essex_boy at 7:42 pm (utc) on April 23, 2007]

[oldpro]

How can you tell if you might be a Redneck?"

" If you met your wife at a family reunion!"

Then all of ya'll's royals over there across the pond are rednecks too.

[ann]

You might be a redneck if you go to a friends housewaming party to take the wheels off his new home.

Ann

[HelenDev]

Then all of ya'll's royals over there across the pond are rednecks too.

No, that's just the aristocracy :)

I guess the UK equivalent of rednecks must be chavs.

[BeeDeeDubbleU]

Chavs, (or neds in Scotland) are much more belligerent.

[timster]

I guess the UK equivalent of rednecks must be chavs.

chavs <> rednecks

"Redneck" is closer to "hillbilly."

The necks are red because of not wearing sunscreen while riding around in the back of a pickup truck with in jeans and a white T-shirt.

[jatar_k]

Jeff Foxworthy describes redneck as a "glorious lack of sophistication"

I think we are all a little redneck given that description

my favourite, since I watched blue collar comedy a few times recently

if you've ever had your nipple bitten off by a beaver, you might be a redneck

[Syzygy]

I believe the term 'redneck' has its etymological roots in Scotland...

Syzygy

[rocknbil]

Y' know y'all are amatoors, doncha?

You might be a redneck if . . .

- your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
- your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
- you have ever started a petition to have the national anthem changed to "Free Bird."
- you think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
- you consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
- after making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
- anyone in your family has ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
- you own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
- you have a picture of Willie Nelson or Johnny Cash over the fireplace.
- you still have an 8-track tape player in your car.
- your idea of safe sex is a padded headboard.
- you own a belt buckle that weighs more than 3 pounds.
- your all-time favorite movie is Cannonball Run.
- you have a family reunion by watching America's Most Wanted.
- the "yes" answer to any question is "ten-four, good buddy."
- the driver's side door of any car you own has tobacco stains.
- duct tape is visible anywhere on the outside of your vehicle.
- your house has more wheels than your car.
- you have a spit cup anywhere on the premises.
- your idea of a good time is a six pack of beer and a bug zapper.

:-)

[BeeDeeDubbleU]

You might be a redneck if . . .

... you have a handle like "Rocknbil" ;)

[SuzyUK]

>> Jeff Foxworthy describes redneck as a "glorious lack of sophistication"

In that case I'd say the Scottish equivalent (least where I'm from) is teuchter [en.wikipedia.org]

Humour

Like other rural stereotypes, teuchters commonly feature in jokes (a teuchter visiting the city might marvel at a bus as "a hoose wi' wheels")

and yes I live in the rural highlands.. so that makes me one ;)

[rocknbil]

you have a handle like "Rocknbil"

<snicker>

"rocknbilly" I could understand. lol . . .