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With food though, the drawback would be that the freezer chills from the outside in, so the edges might get too cold, and the middle still too hot.
That's probably a little extreme. What's coming to mind is the flash-freezing process used by food manufacturers. I've never looked into the process, so I don't know if it's anything more than an extreme cold storage.
Another initial thought was to use a CO2 fire extinguisher. You're still faced with the problem of cold on the outside, hot on the inside. But it could be entertaining enough to prevent the crying.
drag out a cake pan(ish) size dish
fill with iced water
set too hot dish in water
stir food so hottest part keeps moving to outside
Use option 1 while you continue to stir and test,
stir and test, and wonder why you're bothering
to stir and test, stir and test, stir and test ..
You only need (some millions dollars and) an enough wide hall to install a freezer capable to make temperature down to -90 C for a few seconds and the move the food to normal freezer (just -4 C).