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'Google' phoned my dad

Know the power of the dark side....

     
8:42 pm on Sep 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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He said he was "from Google". Apparently $600 "guarantees" the number 3 slot for my Dad's business for a year - yeah, right - a map showing where it is and some AdWords ads.

I have the name and phone number of 'Google man' and a little WebmasterWorld knowledge. I feel a return phone call coming on and some fun and games with this scam artist...

8:56 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Apparently $600 "guarantees" the number 3 slot...

So if he ends up in the number 2 slot instead of number 3, does he get his money back? :)
8:58 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Heh, good point. That would only be fair considering that we really want that prized #3 slot and nothing else. I shall add that to my list of questions to ask. Thanks! :)
9:22 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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It also assumes being listed 3rd whether the search is for "potatoes" or "bungy jumping"
9:34 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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For just $300 or a Google AdWords fridge in its orginial packing, I will get your father the number 3 spot for "potato bungee jumping".
9:35 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Ah, well I should point out that he was talking about a key phrase relevant to my dads business. But hey, if he can guarantee a slot for that phrase - why not everything else, right? You've given me another idea - I wonder just how ridiculous I can go with the key words before he stops giving the guarantee.
9:37 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Hey zCat - if I knew how to get you a google fridge I'd be making sure I had one first. But yeah, "potato bungee jumping" sounds like a good phrase to be listed against. ;)
9:42 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Haha, as of this moment, Mr. Google's mighty search engine has precisely two results for "potato bungee jumping", so for an extra $50 I will guarantee the #2 spot (knowing that by this time tomorrow, #1 will be occupied by WW).
10:11 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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... as a quoted prase, yes. Otherwise there are (currently) 192k matches.
11:22 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Hi,

Oh dear! WW accidentally Google-bombs again... B^>

Just don't get Ann on the subject of potatoes, or we're all in hot oil, possibly poured over us as we jump.

Rgds

Damon

11:46 pm on Sept 25, 2006 (gmt 0)

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... as a quoted prase, yes. Otherwise there are (currently) 192k matches.

Obviously, for such a specialized niche you will only want potential customers who know exactly what they are looking for. I have recently been working with clients who specialise in "nordic hamster safaris" and it has taken a while for them to realize that the hordes of searchers clogging up their internet tubes looking for Scandinavian animated rodent gifs for their Apple Macintosh browsers are just not worth it.

12:15 am on Sept 26, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Hi zCat,

Yes, I quite see your point. And different again from Siberian Hamsters a la Fawlty Towers.

Maybe we should work this into the rules of Mornington Crescent for some really unique rodent SEO (Siberian Enigma Obfuscation)?

Rgds

Damon

7:06 pm on Sept 26, 2006 (gmt 0)

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A few questions to have fun with:

1- What kind of ROI did your past customers experience [waite for answer] Oh really, and who was it that achived that kind of result?
2- Where are you located? [waite for answer] Oh that is great, I live right near you, can you give me the address so I can come visit you?
3- Can you also get me top listings on yahoo and msn? [waite for answer] That is great... but won't your bosses at google get mad if you work with the competition.
4- If you work for google, I understand how I can get top rankings there, but how can you get them on MSN/yahoo?

9:15 pm on Sept 26, 2006 (gmt 0)

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Well, the dude is a scammer. So call the scam police and ask them for advice - they are out to get these slime and would probably appreciate your cooperation.

This time it's a jerk offering #3 spot on Google, next time he might be stiffing old ladies with fake real estate deals. Seriously talk to the police before you call him back.