Forum Moderators: not2easy
You will not find this information anywhere else - guaranteed.
What about this one?
Once you discover...the powerful methods I will show you, you will freak out!
Anything need to be capitalized or made different?
thanks
As soon as I see this, I run the letter through the shredder. Sooner, actually - before I open the envelope.
I suppose I'd stop reading long before I saw these sentences if I came across this on the web. I'd recognize it from the page layout - one long, dense page in black and red text, I'd bet. I'd know it's somebody trying to sell me something for apx. 1000% of what it's worth. ;)
I'm told that these kinds of letters are effective. I suppose the statistics don't lie. I just can't imagine who is sucked-in by this approach.
If you're worried about the nuances of grammar and punctuation, I'd suggest getting a copy of Modern American Usage and The Chicago Manual of Style. I doubt your audience will know the difference.
You will not find this information anywhere else - guaranteed.Once you discover...the powerful methods I will show you, you will freak out
Your sentences seem too labored. Change "I will" to "I'll" and "you will" to "you'll", better yet, change it to "you won't".
Guaranteed should be separate from the sentence with an exclamation point after it.
Elipsses are supposed to mark where some text is left out so they don't fit in your sentence above.
Also don't use slang (freak out)!
If you're struggling with grammar do a thorough study of Verb Tense and Noun agreement because that's where a lot of "english 2nd language" folks trip up.
Lorel - BA in English
Also don't use slang (freak out)!
I would suspect this would be subject to your target audience, the use of slang this is, as well as contractions and so on. I am sure one day we will just use text messaging shorthand for everything. HHU!
Marshall
BAD in English
Lorel, no knock intended. But unless one is targeting "professionals," I think the general public does not care about grammar. Have you watched some of the latest TV commercials, seen (what is it?) Leno Walking on the Tonight Show or Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader, or read some junk mail? Yikes!
HHU - Heaven Help Us
Marshall said: I think the general public does not care about grammar.
No, that isn't fair. But do try to speak properly and clearly anyway. You'd be amazed how quickly people who, say, use cutesy-kiddie IM-chat-speak patois will "rip you a new one" should you dare to (1) correct them or (2) reciprocate.
Eliz.
As I gently chided earlier, this is a high-pressure sales letter. It's a format that has - amazingly - proven quite successful both in mailings and web sites. I don't like it myself, and toss it in the trash as soon as I see the tell-tale red and black text.
But it works for a certain group of consumers.
I assume the poster is emulating this style, and I think he's done a good job.
Remove "freak out" and it looses the bombastic over-the-top element that seems essential to this style
Change "you will" to "you'll", and - counter-intuitively - it sounds more stuffy and "English" (as opposed to American). In particular, I think the phrase "You'll not" will sound foreign to most Americans. It's something you'd expect to hear in a BBC broadcast.
"You will", etc. is commonly used this way to place emphasis. "You will." I think the reader subconsciously places the emphasis when it is fully spelled-out. Within the contraction, of course, there's no emphasis possible.
Contractions must be hard for a non-native speaker to figure out. If you grew up in the U.S., you'd automatically know which contractions sound natural and which sound awkward.
However, as a non-native English speaker, I'd caution you to be careful with your use of slang. You really need a lot of cultural reference to use it correctly and effectively.
A good example of a successful, chatty, casual (but lower-pressure) style is found in the mailings from Sharper Image, Trader Joe, etc. Tell them about proper English. I don't think they will listen.
This information is guaranteed not to be found anywhere else.
You will freak out once you discover the methods that i'm going to show you.
Is this sentence structured grammatically correct and acceptable?
No.
Is this sentence structured grammatically correct and acceptable?
>> Is this sentence grammatically correct and acceptable?
This information is guaranteed not to be found anywhere else.
>> The information provided here is not available anywhere else on the net.
You will freak out once you discover the methods that i'm going to show you.
>> We believe you will be excited to discover the methods we are going to reveal to you.
