Imaginary Friends

Blending forum community with real life

[rogerd]

Most of us participate in multiple forums, and in those where we are quite active we get to "know" some fellow members fairly well.

Do you find yourself saying things to your in-person friends, co-workers, family members, etc., like "according to DrDoc.." or "Brett_Tabke said..." and getting quizzical stares?

While the tone here is fairly businesslike most of the time, other forums have a lot more off-topic and personal discussion, which makes fellow forum members even more familiar with each other. (The same comments might apply to chat environments with regular participants.)

So, how do you bridge the gap - do your "imaginary friends" ever impinge on real life? Does your significant other ever say, "You spend more time with them than me?"

[bufferzone]

I can decently recognize the feel in your post. I try to do two things. Involved my family and friends in the things I do, show them the good posts, try to discuss some of the questions and problems with them and maybe even get them to participate also (My daughter is a member in some of the same forums I operate in)
Secondly I plan on participating in some of the real life events that most forums spawn, the Pup conference is a good example of this, and I have been wanting to go for some years now, hopefully I will some day. Let’s meet their

[Shak]

roger, you dont have to imagine mate, we are your friends ;)

on a serious note, having been involved in a number of forums since 2000 both as a user, moderator and an admin, WebmasterWorld is very different to anything else as I have actually made REAL friends here who I now socialise with.

forums are a very good way for shy people to express their feelings, having just read the book about eBay, and that details very much in depth how communities can make a difference.

strongly advise that be read.

Shak

[rogerd]

He, he... thanks, Shak. I think the Pubcons have been a great way to solidify the friendships one forms in the forums. While clearly the Pubcons are major events, I've seen a strong drive in just about every online community to bring members together in person. Events have included regional get-togethers, cruises, or even just semi-random meetings between a few members when in the same area. I think it's a natural tendency, and basically a good thing.

I'm sure there are some participants in every forum who get carried away, though, and spend too much time in their virtual world.

[vkaryl]

I have really only a few good friends from forums. We've never met yet, but may eventually. My husband isn't computer/internet oriented AT ALL, yet he's remarkably good-natured about the time I spend online (which since I'm a web designer is a LOT of my life outside of my day job). I share the good posts, pics, and "funnies" with him, which may help to soothe any twitchy feelings. Also unless I'm at the bench upstairs with a machine problem, my "office" is right next to his book-reading and tv-watching area.

I drop everything to do laundry and cook meals on weekends (he's "house-husband" during the week, since he's retired); and I make time to ride the horses, go away with the travel trailer for a weekend, cut his hair, go shopping, whatever else needs to happen to keep our marriage on an even keel (which it has been for going on 29 years. ONE of us at least - and not necessarily ME - must be doing something right!)

[ken_b]

Unless I know that the person (other than my S.O.) I'm speaking to in real life knows the poster I'm speaking of, by screen name/id at least, I simply don't use the poster(s) id/name(s).

I just refer to them as "someone who posts at ("WW", "an online forum", etc)".

As far as my S.O. and I conversing, generally I will have mentioned the poster by id and will have explained a bit of why I value (or not) that posters point of view, etc.

When I'm on another forum I frequent, S.O. often asks what I'm chuckling or muttering about.

But this box has an off switch which I have finally learned how to operate.

[Teshka]

What's worse is when you finally meet your Internet friends in real life and continue to call each other by your screen IDs for months to come...;)

[HelenDev]

Good topic.

My S.O. and many of my friends are not really computer savvy at all, but I do tell them about some of the stuff we talk about on ww. Like ken_b, I just refer to it generally as the-forum-I-spend-lots-of-time-on, or alternatively, as some of my friends refer to me (affectionately I might add) as a 'computer geek', I often refer to ww (again affectionately) as my 'geek forum'.

Just out of interest, does anyone bring their friends/S.O.s to the PubCons?

[rogerd]

What's worse is when you finally meet your Internet friends in real life and continue to call each other by your screen IDs for months to come

One important "to do" for in-person meetings is to identify people by their screen and real names, particularly in large gatherings. It makes things MUCH easier, and encourages the transition to identifying people by their real names.

(HelenDev, to get more info on Pubcons, try posting in the Community Center. The quick answer to your question is that some attendees do bring SOs, although the daytime conferences and late-into-the-night informal discussions make spending much time together difficult. Some traveling with non-web-oriented SOs tack on a few extra days to "vacation" together.)

[lorax]

The fact that I sometimes have to explain my online life to my wife is an interesting predicament. Not being fully aware of of what I do for a living she sometimes wonder if I work at all. The fact that I converse with folks on a "discussion board" was akin to a "chat room" was akin to "wasting time" when I first tried to explain this aspect of my online life. It doesn't help my image when I mention folks like TallTroll, Mivox, and XOC in our conversations. It only goes to confirm in her mind that the conversations are part of some secretive world.

She's partly right of course. WebmasterWorld is unique in that some of us are competitors so some level of secrecy exists, but we don't let that stop us from sharing and conversing. And as Shak pointed out - even from socializing beyond WebmasterWorld.

I think my online life is gaining legitimacy in her mind and in the mind of my family (who also has no clue to what I do). The fact that I make a living and often credit my online companions for helping me out of a jam is beginning to bring a sense of reality to the characters I refer to. Either that or my wife's given up on me and is gathering evidence to have me committed. ;)

[WizardOfDukeStreet]

I'm finding more and more - particularly with the advent of such large online communities as Livejournal, and the interlinkage of blogs and so forth - that almost everybody I know in "real life" has some overlap with my online life. In some cases, it overlaps massively; we had a barbecue recently, which about thirty people came to. All but three of them were identifiable to some degree to the others by usernames.

My wife, and most of our close friends, are online as much as I am, anyway.

[vkaryl]

wizoduke: I think that depends a lot on generation. While I'm probably old enough to be your mother, I'm maybe a tad unusual in that not only am I female, I'm a techie, a geek, a nerd, my preferred position in life is seated at my desk with computer and internet running.... BUT my husband has NO machine savvy AT ALL (has no clue how to turn it on, period, and doesn't want any - he's nearly 70, which is almost 15 years older than I am), and the REST of my family are what I term "casual users" - my brother is a vp of a defense contractor, uses computers because he HAS to; his wife plays at it, but likes her "surfer fone" better; my daughter drafts quilt patterns; her husband is a retired AF contractor for the German gov't and runs their network but plays games otherwise; my sister plays games and runs her 3rd grader classes/tests/grades etc; her husband is another defense industry contractor with programming duties for work and otherwise doesn't bother; their son does his homework....

NONE of the above use SEs, etc. other than occasional google. My daughter DOES eBay (*sigh* So I guess it's a verb for sure!) but that's the only "recreational" use she does. NONE of them (leaving ME out of the equation entirely) have EVER accessed a message forum (leaving intranets out of it, for my brother, brother-in-law, and son-in-law).

I, on the other hand, do message fora, etc. all over the place.... and I design/run websites, write html, css, php, cgi, tweak graphics, LIVE online whenever I'm home; use online banking software, order mega-stuff online, whatever makes life easier/more fun for me. *shrug*

I think online fora are a wonderful source of interaction/information. The closeness one develops with people over time is an unexpected benefit. Fortunately my husband doesn't have a problem with the "imaginary friends" thing. The rest of my family think I'm out in the black hole of the universe somewhere.

What THEY think is their problem, NOT mine.

[macrost]

Just out of interest, does anyone bring their friends/S.O.s to the PubCons?

At pubcon orlando, I had my girlfriend with me. I know she really enjoyed it, as she met other people that she could hang out with, and not with just a bunch of geeks talking about *ahem* gerbils. :)

[Leosghost]

One of the in my view tragic indicators of the state of the world today... are the frequent looks of disbelief that one gets from "non on liners" ..

If you say for example " I had a problem with or didn't know how to do ...so I went online and asked in the forum" ( whichever one it might be )"and" ( whoever ) "replied and really helped out" ( gave a lead ..whatever ) ...
Or the reverse of "I need to find whatever... someone asked (whatever )and I think I maybe can help out"..

The reaction of most folks is ...

"Whatever would they do that for ..there must be a catch ..you aren't gonna beleive them ...people don't do that "

very sad ...

One of the really interesting things here is that ( and I'm not having a "bunnies and bambi" moment here ..) total strangers from maybe the otherside of the planet and another culture do help out .."enlightened self interest" does work ..All of us ( even Brett ) gain from here ....But explaining exactly why and how and that it's not just monetary ( to other than close family ) is a bit like explaining quantum physics to my dog ....

I hate loath and detest chat rooms and cannot see how they improve one iota the sum experience of humanity ..but fora like those here may be doing their bit ..indirectly ..when we mention to others ..to show that it doesn't have to be "stand on the others guy/girls head is the only way to get there" ( wherever there is ) ...

BTW ..I'm by nature like the post by Vkaryl some time back ..normally I hate people and chose to live as far away from them as I can get..

<ot> curious maybe how many of us live at least 200 meters from anyone else ..are we mostly loners( and I don't mean "geeks" à la Bill ) here ..or crowd people ..save it for another thread </ot>