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The new Google Adsense Metaphysical Contact Center

Latest innovation in Google Customer Support

12:32 am on Dec 9, 2008 (gmt 0)

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The new Google Adsense Metaphysical Contact Center

With the advent of Google Earth and Google Streetview Google has now the ability to observe the world and the actions of people in real time. In order to improve the communication with the Google Adsense Team, the Adsense department will institute the new Google Adsense Metaphysical Contact System.

In order to access this system all you need to do is follow the following steps.

1 As the Google satellites are always observing your actions, you need to signal the satellite in order to communicate with Google. To do this there are a number of options. You can either place your palms together with your fingers pointing upward, or lie prostrate on the ground with your arms out at 90 degrees from your body.

2 Once you have performed these actions a Google satellite will focus its sensors on you. Then you only need to verbally submit to Google Adsense Support your request.

To submit your question use the following phrases when you make your request. "Dear great Google Adsense Support please hear my request", then make your request. To end your request sign off with following word "A-Google". This will end the submission of your Google Adsense request.

3 Once the Google Adsense team has received your request it will be processed by our center and the reply sent to you by a signal in your environment or body. Often Google can process your request immediately, so after requesting wait patiently for the Satellite to beam the answer back into your head.

Otherwise Google will contact you via your environment, look for unusual cloud formations as an answer, or with the Advanced Google Adsense Contact System examine the entrails of a young goat.

With this new system Google anticipates that requests to this forum will decrease to the extent that within months the forum will be closed.

11:56 am on Dec 9, 2008 (gmt 0)

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The majority of us who aren't in that band of "I broke my record $$$ this month" actually could do with cheering up right now ;-)

Err.. Merry Christmas (or is it officially Happy Holidays now?)

1:32 pm on Dec 9, 2008 (gmt 0)

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Straight from the adsense support forum. I for one would like to tap into the collective hive of google-awareness ;)
7:14 pm on Dec 9, 2008 (gmt 0)

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LOL! I think that you might have stolen one of the April Fool's idea for 2009. :-)
4:51 am on Dec 12, 2008 (gmt 0)

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Looks like Japan might beat them to it with this kind of mystical technology:

Dreams may no longer be secret with Japan computer screen [news.yahoo.com]