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There was a short thread last year about using ARD from off-site. lZakl posted the solution to connecting externally using Port 3283.
What do I do with a NAT setup? We have one static external IP address.
You can download the Admin Guide from there. Looks like page 72 answers your question directly, but the whole thing is probably worth the read.
If you still have problems, you could search for 'NAT Remote desktop' on Apple's support-Discussions page: