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If you made your SEO right and have gotten links form well ranking sites and the SEís are indexing, it could take as little as a day.
If the SEís has just finished indexing it will take a month.
If you donít have any links it could take anywhere form three to six month.
If you have made some kind of error in your pages, you might get banned and never get indexed
Patient is the name of the game in more ways then one
As for how to get them to link to you, (1) Link to them first, (2) Build an awesome website that they will WANT to link to because it will be valuable to their readers, (3) Tell them you linked to them and invite them to link back if they like.
Never make your link to them contingent on whether they link back.
How about I ask my ebay seller friend to add my website to their shop to get spidered? Does that count? Or only a homepage link to my website would help?
You need to radically change your perspective. Put all of your effort into making your site as good as possible. Quality sites rank high, period. The cream rises to the top. If you have a good site, people will link to you without your asking them to. As soon as you start posting to the message boards about whether such and such link "counts", you have a big problem. I have top rankings for money terms across lots of different domains, and I didn't get them by obsessing over links. I got them by building quality.