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I don't think hard sell will work!

Trying to write good 'pick us' content



5:47 pm on Mar 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member

I run a site for a murder-mystery company, they put on a parties, act out a mystery and the guests then interview the suspects and try to guess the murderer.

I have read LOADS on how to sell things from your website, but they all seem to be either selling items or SEO/business/e-books etc, and they are almost all what I would call hardsell.

Does anyone have any tips on how I rewrite my copy to get people to a)Look deeper into the site and b) Choose us!

The people that are coming to the site are looking for our type of service, so why aren't they using us?

Thanks for any suggestions, or links to suitable articles.



6:15 pm on Mar 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

WebmasterWorld Administrator engine is a WebmasterWorld Top Contributor of All Time 10+ Year Member Top Contributors Of The Month

>a)Look deeper into the site

How about a competition/quiz? If they track down all the clues that you'd build into the site (written cleverly into the text), they get, say, 10% off the order booking, of a bottle of bubbly, or whatever you choose.


7:09 pm on Mar 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member

I dont know if you are targeting the corporate or the consumer market.

However, mistery murder is an "educational" product, nobody just books a day/weekend on the net.

At the end of the day we are talking about a "special event" and the sales cycle of a special event is a complex one. Tipically, prospects will have hundreds of questions, no prospect will ask the same questions and you simply cannot cover all possible questions on your website without throwing a 50 page FAQ at them.

Therefore, you may want to concentrate your web efforts on lead generation (make it as easy as possible for prospects to ask for information).

Turning those leads into sales needs to be done by traditionell "offline selling".

Think of your website as a piece of direct mailing and rewrite your copy according to the AIDA concept.

A=Attention (already achieved when people are on your site)
I=Interest (look what competitors do for inspiration)
D=Desire (look what competitors do for inspiration)
A=Action (submitting a form to receive information)

Give the leads to the sales team...


10:21 pm on Mar 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member

I agree with newkid2005; you should be focusing on lead generation. I suggest you offer some kind of free downloadable report or tip sheet or something, but to get it they have to give you their contact info. There are lots of lessons to be learned from the "hard sell" sites. They all stress benefits, benefits, benefits. ... and you can use these same techniques to "sell" your free download, and then follow up with more sales pieces.

[edited by: engine at 10:41 am (utc) on Mar. 22, 2005]
[edit reason] TOS [/edit]


10:49 pm on Mar 20, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member


The problem with offering a free report or tip sheet is what could I offer for someone looking for a murder-mystery party.

Perhaps a free murder-mystery short story, or a history of after dinner games (might give people other ideas though).

Thanks for the comments so far, please keep them coming!



8:14 pm on Mar 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member

Don't forget testimonials from people who have used this service. Also, I would "personalize" the site as far as lead generation goes - make sure that there is a name and photo of an actual person who will consult them on the unique needs of their party. Email should be to joe@example.com rather than sales@example.com.

[edited by: engine at 10:42 am (utc) on Mar. 22, 2005]
[edit reason] examplified [/edit]


8:20 pm on Mar 21, 2005 (gmt 0)

10+ Year Member


There are letters from people on the site - perhaps I could push them a little more on the front page.

Funnily enough I added a picture to the index page a few seconds ago - take a look - I don't think it woud inspire people to trust the company owner... what do you think?

Thanks for your advice!


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